[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

I won't be receiving any 40th birthday cards.

The $$$ kept my existential angst at bay.

self reliant *loser*

I'm freaking out here

i figured i'd answer bit by bit so lemme just say-- i think you need a bit of therapy. i don't say this in the usually dismisive way people do, a kind of "fuck you". but man you're being harsh and unkind to yourself, and worrying too much about other people's opinions rather than your own healthy instincts... check yr head.

i think at the bottom of your changes, at the bottom of everything you need to do, the essential ingredient is self-compassion and kidness. without it life is awful. i know it's hard to tell a judgy brain to stop judging, and to stop using the enemy's weapons for self-destruction, but it needs to happen. it's how you think that is tormenting you right now. because you could be going through the same troubles and feel sad but be okay-- instead you call yourself a loser and fear other people's disapproval... you need to be your own friend first.

you say "what would you tell your friend?" but you need to ask that of yourself. if you had a friend in your situation you wouldn't call him a loser an threaten to abandon him when he's in need, would you? so, be a friend to yourself first.

anyway, more later.

Originally Posted by PLips

you will be humbled yet dont be humiliated

exactly