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I am trying to listen to as much Marcy Playground, Modest Mouse, and Pinback as I can so the moment I get in close range to a gun I will have the balls to pull the trigger because overdosing and hanging myself didn't work. And my sister tryed to kill herself the same day I hung myself and she just broke her back and can't walk so there can be no more attempting only achieving. And I wont lie I am scared to pull the trigger so I have to summon all the pain and hopelessness into 1 moment.
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