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There is no purpose nor reason for existing. we all innately know this but we shy away from it and run to religion, or metaphysics, or some sort of surrogate that gives our lives "purpose."
I love life. I love to enjoy good food, good cigars. I wish I could drink cold beers on hot days but I am allergic to alcohol, so no go there. I enjoy learning. I enjoy art and music and making art.
These things are enough fro me to consider life worthy and to consider my life well lived.
I hope you can find somethings that make life beautiful dead_battery. I bet you have some but they are overshadowed by the suckage. I do not mean to assume, just wondering.
addiction of any kind is not rational. it is not a decision. The decision comes in fighting the addiction, at all cost, even to the death.
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