[ni'k]

Chapter 3

1. Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the zombie hoarde which my piss had made. And dat snake crawled up into da truck yo, and he said unto the (recently emasculated by my accidently glock fire) woman schopenhauer, Yea, the snake said, Yea! YEA NIGGA! shall i not smoke chronic of every tree of the garden?
2. And the i said unto the serpent, We may smoke of the fruit of the trees of the chronic garden, but shit snake nigga, you a snake, we dont even know yo ass yo, you just crawl into our ride and want to come along and smoke all our weed yo, you think we is bitches?
3. But, the snake said, "the bud of the tree which is in the midst of the garden! schopey hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.!" so i was like, yo schopey, what dis nigga saying, he say yo dont want our asses to smoke da chronic off one particular tree in the middle of the farm yo? why is dat?
4. And schopey said to us, "Ye shall not surely die, its just i spilt too much fertilizer into da soil, so if u smoke dat chronic u be smokin some fertilizer, and dat shit aint healthy yo, so be careful, just smoke off dem otha trees ignore dat one"
5. For schopey doth know that in the day ye smoke thereof, then your eyes shall be bloodshot, and ye shall be as gods of da herb, knowing good and evil in the varieties of strains of chronic
6. And dat snake had heard dat da garden waz full of schopeys herb, so i was like- "yo schopey, we cant have dis snake nigga knowin were yo stash be at, lets smoke dis fule". so i took out my tech 9 and blasted holes in dat snake motherfucker till he be dead, den threw him over da side of da truck, and when he hit the earth dem zombies ate him. and i was like, shit yo, how did a talkin snake get in da truck in da first place, oh well, dats da end o' dat chapda ydo!
7. And the eyes of them both were both bloodshot, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. and i was like, shit yo, how we get naked schopey, yo man we stoned, we stoned, fuck man, no homo.
8. And we heard the noise of dem zombies breakin into da garden in the cool of the day: and we parked down the car outside da garden, and we started stalkin up to dem zombies dat had broken into da garden, and we hid ourselves from the presence of the chronic amongst the trees of the garden.
9. And i called unto schopey and said unto him, "nigga! dont let dem zombies hear us, i'll stalk up da left side, you take da right yo, when we reach past that feedbag up der, we start blastin, blast all dem zombies before dey steal all yo shit yo!
10. And he said, I hear thy voice nigga, lets do this!
11. And we ran and started blastin our uzis patatattat! and we wuz droppin dem zombies like motherfuckers, and when dey was all dead instead 1 schopey grabbed da one remaining zombie and said "Hast thou smoked of the trees, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not take da chronic which was not thine own?" and as the zombie spluttered out a reply schopey mercilessly shot a bullet in between dat bitches eyes.
12. And then schopey said, yo dawg, we need to go board up da hole in da gate dat let them zombies get in. once we do that we gonna smoke some herb yo!
13. And man, i got dat hole patched up quick yo, was salivating at the mouth for some o dat sweet herb. and i said unto schopey, What is this that thou hast grown? And schopey said, yo nigga, see hear, i got a list of all da different strains growin in da garden, dey is labeled with pictures in case yo ass cant read, take whateva u want mang, der is skins and roachs in da lounge, der is ashtrays in der, take whateva herb u want and head on in, ill go stick on a pizza yo." and we did smoke.
14. And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
15. And we wuz stoned like a motherfuckers, and we wuz watchin adult swin. wonderin how it be broadcastin since it aint invented yet, da security system showed dat dey zombies was surrounding da garden, but they had no hope of breakin thru da perimeter walls, since it was like massive walls with barbed wire and gun turrents and android guards in massive guard towers, and a moat, and flamethrowers dat fired out da walls, and more android guards with miniguns. so we was safe yo.
16. Unto schopey i said, yo mang, da pizza! we forgot about da pizza! go get it it been in der for like 6 hours yo!
17. And we ran into da kitchen and a fire had started Because we had left the oven on! and schopey said, tho has hearkened unto mine ears too late nigga, and da fire is spreadin yo! we gotsta put it out before it burn dis whole joint down yo!
18. so i started running around panicking like a bitch, trying to command the android guards to come put out the fire, but i couldnt work the commands in the computer system. we was trippin, lookin for fire extinguishers, but schopey said "shit nigga! i blew dem all off da other day just for lols yo!" and we wuz like, shit we screwed yo, we had to put out the fire, da whole kitchen be up in flames like a motherfucker yo.
19. and schopey started hacking into the command system trying to reprogramme the androids to get them to put out the fire, but his ass was stoned, and he kept messsin up dat shit, and it wasnt happnin, and da fire was spreadin, it was coming into da next room from da kitchen
20. And i was like "yo nigga! fuck yo crib! we gotsta save da chronic! it be da mother to all yo!"
21. and schopey was like "DAMN NIGGA! WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! GO GRAB ALL DA CHRONIC YOU CAN CARRY AND LOAD IT UP INTO DA LOADING BAY, DA TRUCK BE IN DER GETTING SERVICED, DEN WE FLY OUtTA DIS BITCH, WE GOTSTA CATCH ANOTHA RAINBOW! GO NIGGA GO!"
22. And so we ran into da garden and started baggin all da chronic we could grab into black bin bags, but dat shit was dank and heavy, and the fire was spreadin fast, it was nearly on our ass spreadin into da garden, so we had to move quick.
23. and schopey be trippin, he say "ah nigga we supposed to till the ground from whence this weed was taken or else it wont grow again!"
24. and my ass was like "NIGGA, IN A MINUTE THIS FIRE GONNA BURN DIS PLACE SO DER AINT BE NO GROUND LEFT! NOW GRAB SOME WEED LOAD IT INTO DA CAR AND LETS GET OUTTA HERE!"