a second plague of locusts
 

today a plant in our house gave birth to a hundred baby grasshoppers.

I've had this happen once before (while living with a girl who was deathly afraid of...get this....grasshoppers), but I never thought it'd happen again.

it's like a majick trick. one minute, nothing. the next, an assplosion of grasshoppers.

today on the way home from work, girlgun called me freaking out.

thankfully, she's only afraid of spiders because there were a fuck-ton of baby bugs in the kitchen window!

words don't describe just how many fucking bugs can come out of a very small plant.

MORAL OF THIS LONG ASS BLOG: don't bring outdoor plants in, and never consort with demons.

But seriously that sucks.

oh, I think it's a riot!!

You could just buy a snake and allow it to roam freely. Not only would it eat the grasshoppers, but you'd feel like you were living in Eden.

they're too small and I'm not in the bug farmin' business. although, if I were, they'd be some damn fine bugs.

i once steped a spider and it assploded thousands of tiny spiders.

that's a touching story. did they bite and sting yr nutsack?

I attend to a young spider that lives in the ceiling of my room. When the time comes and reproduction is on the cards, I will welcome the offspring like they were my own.

I like grasshoppers. They're so cute

that's some grade-a creepy stuff right there, porks.

will you let them ride on yr back or will you put them in yr kangaroo pouch once they hatch??

OK, so plant = locust plague, bubblegum = spider swarm.

I think maybe you should give girlgun some bubblegum. You know, for entertainment.

I'm not really keen on a messy divorce, but, uh, what the fuck does bubblegum have to do with anything?

I read and re-read the thread yet still can't find the piece I'm missing. and by piece, I mean, piece of bubblegum.

You didn't grow up with the "spider eggs in BubbleYum" urban legend?

What are you, some kind of foreigner?

why? you got a problem with foreigners??

No, but I do rely on you to get my goddamned pop culture references because I am nowhere near as funny without them.
Now get on it, for god's sake. I grew up in two places in this country, thousands of miles apart, and heard the bug-eggs-in-the-gum rumor in both areas.

I'll spread them on toast.

I have no idea what either of you foreigners are talking about.

for the last fucking time, I don't speak pygmy.

we have that sort of rumors here too and i actually know someone that once ate ant eggs.