Formidable post by Ellen Page on the not all but A LOTTA FUCKING MEN are PIGS sitch
November 10 at 9:23am
“You should fuck her to make her realize she’s gay.” He said this about me during a cast and crew “meet and greet” before we began filming, X Men: The Last Stand. I was eighteen years old. He looked at a woman standing next to me, ten years my senior, pointed to me and said: “You should fuck her to make her realize she’s gay.” He was the film’s director, Brett Ratner.
I was a young adult who had not yet come out to myself. I knew I was gay, but did not know, so to speak. I felt violated when this happened. I looked down at my feet, didn’t say a word and watched as no one else did either. This man, who had cast me in the film, started our months of filming at a work event with this horrific, unchallenged plea. He “outed” me with no regard for my well-being, an act we all recognize as homophobic. I proceeded to watch him on set say degrading things to women. I remember a woman walking by the monitor as he made a comment about her “flappy pussy”.
We are all entitled to come into an awareness of our sexual orientation privately and on our own terms. I was young and although already a working actor for so long I had in many ways been insulated, growing up on film sets instead of surrounded by my peers. This public, aggressive outing left me with long standing feelings of shame, one of the most destructive results of homophobia. Making someone feel ashamed of who they are is a cruel manipulation, designed to oppress and repress. I was robbed of more than autonomy over my ability to define myself. Ratner’s comment replayed in my mind many times over the years as I encountered homophobia and coped with feelings of reluctance and uncertainty about the industry and my future in it. The difference is that I can now assert myself and use my voice to to fight back against the insidious queer and transphobic attitude in Hollywood and beyond. Hopefully having the position I have, I can help people who may be struggling to be accepted and allowed to be who they are –to thrive. Vulnerable young people without my advantages are so often diminished and made to feel they have no options for living the life they were meant to joyously lead.
I got into an altercation with Brett at a certain point. He was pressuring me, in front of many people, to don a t-shirt with “Team Ratner” on it. I said no and he insisted. I responded, “I am not on your team.” Later in the day, producers of the film came to my trailer to say that I “couldn’t talk like that to him.” I was being reprimanded, yet he was not being punished nor fired for the blatantly homophobic and abusive behavior we all witnessed. I was an actor that no one knew. I was eighteen and had no tools to know how to handle the situation.
I have been a professional actor since the age of ten. I’ve had the good fortune to work with many honorable and respectful collaborators both behind and in front of the camera. But the behavior I’m describing is ubiquitous. They (abusers), want you to feel small, to make you insecure, to make you feel like you are indebted to them, or that your actions are to blame for their unwelcome advances.
When I was sixteen a director took me to dinner (a professional obligation and a very common one). He fondled my leg under the table and said, “You have to make the move, I can’t.” I did not make the move and I was fortunate to get away from that situation. It was a painful realization: my safety was not guaranteed at work. An adult authority figure for whom I worked intended to exploit me, physically. I was sexually assaulted by a grip months later. I was asked by a director to sleep with a man in his late twenties and to tell them about it. I did not. This is just what happened during my sixteenth year, a teenager in the entertainment industry.
Look at the history of what’s happened to minors who’ve described sexual abuse in Hollywood. Some of them are no longer with us, lost to substance abuse and suicide. Their victimizers? Still working. Protected even as I write this. You know who they are; they’ve been discussed behind closed doors as often as Weinstein was. If I, a person with significant privilege, remain reluctant and at such risk simply by saying a person’s name, what are the options for those who do not have what I have?
Let’s remember the epidemic of violence against women in our society disproportionately affects low income women, particularly women of color, trans and queer women and indigenous women, who are silenced by their economic circumstances and profound mistrust of a justice system that acquits the guilty in the face of overwhelming evidence and continues to oppress people of color. I have the means to hire security if I feel threatened. I have the wealth and insurance to receive mental health care. I have the privilege of having a platform that enables me to write this and have it published, while the most marginalized do not have access to such resources. The reality is, women of color, trans and queer and indigenous women have been leading this fight for decades (forever actually). Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Winona LaDuke, Miss Major, Audre Lorde, bell hooks, to name a few. Misty Upham fought tirelessly to end violence against indigenous women, domestic workers and undocumented women. Misty was found dead at the bottom of a cliff three years ago. Her father, Charles Upham, just made a Facebook post saying she was raped at a party by a Miramax executive. The most marginalized have been left behind. As a cis, white lesbian, I have benefited and have the privileges I have, because of these extraordinary and courageous individuals who have led the way and risked their lives while doing so. White supremacy continues to silence people of color, while I have the rights I have because of these leaders. They are who we should be listening to and learning from.
These abusers make us feel powerless and overwhelmed by their empire. Let’s not forget the sitting Supreme Court justice and President of the United States. One accused of sexual harassment by Anita Hill, whose testimony was discredited. The other proudly describing his own pattern of assault to an entertainment reporter. How many men in the media – titans of industry - need to be exposed for us to understand the gravity of the situation and to demand the fundamental safety and respect that is our right?
Bill Cosby was known to be predatory. The crimes were his, but many were complicit. Many more chose to look the other way. Harvey was known to be predatory. The crimes were his, but many were complicit. Many more chose to look the other way. We continue to celebrate filmmaker Roman Polanski, who was convicted of drugging and anally raping a young girl and who fled sentencing. A fugitive from justice. I’ve heard the industry decry Weinstein’s behavior and vow to affect meaningful change. But let’s be truthful: the list is long and still protected by the status quo. We have work to do. We cannot look the other way.
I did a Woody Allen movie and it is the biggest regret of my career. I am ashamed I did this. I had yet to find my voice and was not who I am now and felt pressured, because “of course you have to say yes to this Woody Allen film.” Ultimately, however, it is my choice what films I decide to do and I made the wrong choice. I made an awful mistake.
I want to see these men have to face what they have done. I want them to not have power anymore. I want them to sit and think about who they are without their lawyers, their millions, their fancy cars, houses upon houses, their “playboy” status and swagger.
What I want the most, is for this to result in healing for the victims. For Hollywood to wake up and start taking some responsibility for how we all have played a role in this. I want us to reflect on this endemic issue and how this power dynamic of abuse leads to an enormous amount of suffering. Violence against women is an epidemic in this country and around the world. How is this cascade of immorality and injustice shaping our society? One of the greatest risks to a pregnant woman’s health in the United States is murder. Trans women of color in this country have a life expectancy of thirty-five. Why are we not addressing this as a society? We must remember the consequences of such actions. Mental health issues, suicide, eating disorders, substance abuse, to name a few.
What are we afraid to say and why can’t we say it? Women, particularly the most marginalized, are silenced, while powerful abusers can scream as loudly as they want, lie as much as they want and continue to profit through it all.
This is a long awaited reckoning. It must be. It’s sad that “codes of conduct” have to be enforced to ensure we experience fundamental human decency and respect. Inclusion and representation are the answer. We’ve learned that the status quo perpetuates unfair, victimizing behavior to protect and perpetuate itself. Don’t allow this behavior to be normalized. Don’t compare wrongs or criminal acts by their degrees of severity. Don’t allow yourselves to be numb to the voices of victims coming forward. Don’t stop demanding our civil rights. I am grateful to anyone and everyone who speaks out against abuse and trauma they have suffered. You are breaking the silence. You are revolution.
beyond all the issues of individual blame and outing people for their crimes and public displays of self-righteousness, it’s interesting to see the sea change in public morality in recent times.
it looks like the last remanents of the “sex drugs & rocknroll” culture are being rooted out and replaced. a changing of the guard!
seems like the glorification of desire and “personal freedom” that rose in the second half of the XX century are now firmly being pushed aside. a new order, where the #1 value seems to thebe “do no harm”. different values & priorities & different century.
i’m interested in the sociology of this. yeah. it’s fascinating to see history happen. large dinosaurs dying, little mammals taking over, that sort of thing.
this is the kind of thing that i’m talking about
(read the whole thing, not just the headline)
future generations will be looking at us with the same contempt with which we regard slaveholders or practitioners of human sacrifice.
which is a good thing— but they’ll have their own crimes to worry about. what will those be, i don’t know.
Yes, this was a good part of what I was getting at by bringing up Ellen Page's words. In fact, I was just gonna title the post something like "The 'men are fucking pigs and it's fucking enough already' thread", but Page's stance and stories seemed like a more powerful start.
The savage oppression of robots comes to mind.
abuse is abuse. it’s systemic. it’s transmitted in families and institutions. everyone participates in it.
personally, i’ve been both recipient and witness of sexual and domestic abuse by women. i don’t like to make a big fuss about it, but yeah. good luck reporting that a woman hit you or that she’s sexually harassing you at work. it’s just men who are presumed guilty. women do it, and more often than you think. the time hasn’t come yet when we can speak about it though.
this is of course not about demonizing “women” just as much as i’m not demonizing “men”. this shit is everywhere. it needs to be dealt with as such.
the fact is that abuse is a systemic illness. it goes from one generation to the next and it’s passed along and across gender lines. the cure has to be systemic or it just won’t happen. the focus on an individual scapegoat or singling out a gender does not cure that. it’s just a pretend-cure.
so yeah, i don’t believe that blame games and scapegoating are going to solve anything. sure it’s great to bring these things into public awareness, but the way we’re going about it is gonna eventually backfire the way witch burnings backfired.
take for example the recent louis c.k. situation— he confesses and apologizes and expresses regrets his actions. bizarre actions if you ask me, but he owns up to them.
rather than being given a chance at repentance and eventual redemption (not today— but eventual) everyone points fingers at the weirdo and he’s just declared an outcast for life. that’s it!
that sort of thing isn’t going to help the next guilty person admit to or address their deficiencies, much less in public. everyone now has to claim being right 100% of the time—or else.
so— more hypocrisy to come— think of trump’s ultradefensive threats of lawsuits for example. or the guiltiest of people acting the most self-righteous like televangelists do. hey, while i’m busy pointing fingers at someone, i don’t have to look at my own toxic conduct!
the french revolution may have been a leap in the struggle for freedom, but it had to go through robespierre and the terror and later napoleon and two returns to the monarchy and many other fuckups before it settled into some sort of reasonable republicanism.
so, great that there is more awareness of these issues. as for the public stonings and decaptiations— i don’t know where that will lead.
but anyway, the anger is out. let’s watch the heads roll.
eta: this is super-long and business-oriented but it actually addresses the problem of blame (and shame) culture in a clearer way than i did
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