i found a neck in the woods
 

so i found somebodys neck in the woods yesterday. it wasnt attached to a body (or a head) and it was gruesome

tell a story about something that happened to you that sounds like a well known phrase or saying

I put wheat inside my pants once and it chafed!

I jerked off onto a church once. True story.

I gave a bj to someone in a dressing room at K-Mart's once. And no, it wasn't Martha Stewart.
I know, irrelevant.

artsygrrl

that's a great story, seriously. i tried doing it in a club's toilet once and the security guard in 2 minutes, so kudos.

so let's listen to the bets song in the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Al9blQOhNw

I think you meant to link to this song.

mmm

no

I'm still working this one out....

"tried doing it in a club's toilet" (nasty, but I get it).

"and the security guard in 2 minutes" is what's stumping me.

either: you did someone in a toilet and then a security guard two minute later or the security guard only took two minutes to do OR you were busted after only two minutes of your nasty (and I assume loud) club toilet business.

:confused:

quantum mechanics tell me that in an infinite universe all of the above happened simultaneously, with the only given constant being the speed of light, you, a toilet and a security guard.

Ok.
I apologise for last night's drinking.
I think the security guard saw me getting into the toilet with my then boyfriend.
I think he waited 2 minutes and concluded it wasn't cocaine we were doing in there.
So started knocking on the door.
Saying 'get the fuck out you two, NOW'

how disappointingly anti-climatic for both you and this story.

:(

I know.
But in a different reality the security guard was cute and joined in.

that said: take note, men, women are turned on by nasty toilets.

you sucked them both off? you minx!

Should we start talking about toilets now?

Toilet humour sucks.

my germaphobia won't let me go much further. I'll stand guard outside.

haha. Thanks, knox. Makes me wonder if the surveilence camera video is shown every year at the annual staff X-mas party.
BTW, best song ever!

I take that back. I just had an incident worth pondering.

I drink a lot of coffee. invariably, after a few hours, I have to drain. just now, while pissing, I had a lady try the knob. when that didn't work, she knocked, tried the knob again (violently) and then started banging. I'd been in there less than 30 seconds.

my question is: who the fuck does this shit? if the door is locked, chances are it's occupied and all of your frantic banging won't make me piss any fucking faster.

it's ocupado, bitch.

at home, I'll piss in the fucking sink. at work, I've failed to lock the door enough that I'm now positively anal about.

I don't mind the lady's sly grins over my gigantic leaking lovetube; it's the creepy guys I can do without.

one can't help but notice the enthusiasm you share when it comes to sharing bathroom stories (thinking about each other's penis)