Happy Birthday Rembrandt!
 

He would have been 408 today.



This painting hangs in the Louvre and is titled alternately as "Bathsheba at her Bath" and "Bathsheba Reading King David's Letter." The latter is more appropriate. The image comes from the biblical story of King David, who saw by accident Bathsheba bathing, got mad wood for her, and summoned her to his home so he could bone her. The rub was that Bathsheba was a married woman, wed to one of King David's soldiers named Uriah. Bathsheba was not dumb and knew better than to refuse a king (cuz they will KILL YOU), so she went and he boned her. He felt guilty, so what did he do? He tried to have Bathsheba's husband Uriah sleep with his (David's) wife, so he could accuse him of adultery, but Uriah would not return from battle. David, being a righteous prick, then decided to command his generals to place Uriah in charge at the heat of battle, and to leave him without reinforcements. This guaranteed Uriah's death on the battlefield. Bathsheba, after a year of mourning, was wed to King David, and became pregnant. Their baby died before age 3, which the Bible says was due to god being displeased with David, so OF COURSE, god kills an innocent baby to punish him. It all makes sense!