Is this too stupid/cliche/pretentious, etc?
 

I'm writing this song, and some perverted part of me really wants to have every line in the 2nd verse include the word "a lion." So every single line is a pun. It sounds cool to me right now, but I could see it as being really lame to me tomorrow say.

Just remember, puns are the cheapest form of humor.
And I am including fart jokes when I say that.

True, but the song is so serious and gloomy Joy Division/Echo and the Bunnymen/etc. sounding that I think it needs some cheap dry puns with deadpan delivery.

Don't worry about sounding "too serious;" just concern yourself with really pulling it off!
If you are super-clever it might work, but you are definitely walking on thin ice, and I wish you luck. It can be done, but it won't be easy!

You're the author of some of the most idiotic things written on any forum.The worrying factor is that you seem to mean what you say.

Spot on, spot on.

The dickless rebel strikes again

Says you. The only things you talk about on this forum are how much you hate the forum, and bitching about people on the forum. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

It saddens me to say this, but I whole-heartedly agree with your statement.

Why thank you for your attention porkie.

I'm not too worried about it. I really like the guitar parts to it, so I've got a solid rock to work with.

If my lyrics don't work or stop doing it for me, I rewrite them.

I don't get what you mean by this, though, Spresence... explain...

Spectral Presence = drum machine. Ghost sounds coming from a small box.

Hm. Just let us hear it when you're done.

I'll do that. I just played through the whole song, and the way I sang the vocals seemed to work. Lyrics almost always look dumber on paper than they sound when sung with music.

Just do what you want. It's your song so you can do whatever you want with it. I write songs and lyrics for myself without caring what other people think of it. You should do the same.

What do you mean with the "a lion" part???

Like. . .

I said I was a lion
I was a lion in bed
I wasn't a lion to you
you could tell I was a lion through my teeth
a lion pointed to that
I'd never be a lion for you

those are ones off the top of my head. So basically you can talk about lions but it sounds like you are talking about lying, or lying down.

You're the author of little but bitch yourself.

hahaha that's ridiculous! I'm curious to see how it works out. Follow it up, dogg.