Drum Machines are impossible!
 

I'm trying to programme the simplest of drum patterns in but do you think I get it to sound like anything other than a, well, a drum machine? Can I fuck!

drum machines'll do that... y'know, sound all drum machiney.

It's possible to make it sound good. The drum machine on Melt Banana's Cell-Scape was pretty real sounding

I pretty much have to use a drum machine but I try not to make it sound drum machiney.

But no matter what, drum machines can't groove.

Big Black y'all

get a drummer to prigram the drum machine .

yeah, they're better at prigramming.

My philosophy when I had a drum machine (I since sold it since I never use it anymore) was to add percussion but do somethings a drummer couldn't do. So there were some parts in songs where the drum machine would hit the snare so fast it sounded like a power drill.

ha! shit.. i turned aussie there for a second..

sirry!

for real sounding drums, sample a real kit and let the drum machine play that, sounds more realistic. but if you want the real thing do it.

I just discovered this today:
http://www.hobnox.com/index.1056.de.html

If the software modelling is even somewhat accurate, then those things are easy as fuck to dabble around with. I want a real one.

I see what you mean, that's why I rarely use them. There is a way out of that: Download an editing program that is also a flexible sampler for looping, that way you can build up original drum patterns bit by bit with your own peronal trademark on them, and also you get to fuck them up in the frequency department, which means that you can modulate the way they sound for as long as you like, almost like they are real drums.

Sound Forge remains the best for me, but I see Audacity (which is I think is shite) mentioned on here a lot.

It's all about adobe audition.

And again no matter what, drum machines can't groove, that's their biggest problem.

Hmm. not sure. Depends how filter them, but yeah, they aren't much cop most of the time.

my best friend made a sample of lots of farts
and then made it into an awesome beat
it was a truely good sounding hip hop tune but he lost it

I usually play live to a drum machine and it sucks ass. Since drum machines can't make mistakes, you can't make mistakes or you become completely lost. That can be fun too though.

I make beats, riffs etc out of my voice all the time. The human voice is like, whoaaa!

I am searching for some breakcore stuff since Ive visited paris last year. there was this track in that store being played full throttle. the whole track was sounds of, poops, shitting, puking, burping and toilet flushes, but in a really fast AFX/Venetian Snares style

I need a drum machine.