"..Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed.."
 

Let me think (think about what?) about girls (and what else) and money and new clothes (and what do I get?) thirty nights, of violence (uh huh), and sugar (yeah?) to love..

come here! come here!(oh please no, no, not so hard!) closer to the lung so I can! so I can! throw her, over the railing...

Why do inherently seek romantic relationships?

I know I don't usually have such a personal rant, but I'm feeling both bitter and insightful so..

Why, even when we seem to have all our other shit together, do we still have these inner yearnings for other people? Even when we in our minds know better, we still feel them! Feelings are crazy, I don't try to make sense of them very often..

Its not just raw sexuality, because these impulses can be met, and still the yearning is there. Its not just a craving for intimacy, because we can still yearn for this even in the midst of seemingly intimate relationships. What about the human condition keeps driving us so mad? Surely its not just physiology or hormones or instinct, because plenty of people have plenty of romantic and sexual relationships contrary to these kinds of matters, instead it it must be an issue with the psyche, with the soul. So what exactly does the soul want? Even when it has it, it wants something different! Alas..

Are we just spiritual narcissists?

"..oh well.. apparently nothing.. and you don't, see, me.."

You appear to be feeling the exact same kind of emotions as i am at this present time Suchy. Yes, we had a really nice time a couple of weeks ago, and yes i think she could be really good for me, but ive learned she's just out of a big relationship. So maybe im just the rebound? Ive asked her out on Friday, but im feeling really pessimistic about whether she'll want anything more than a bit of fun. Shes 5 odd years younger than me, and that might seems patronising but yknow, it does make a difference. Plus shes a student nurse... fucks sake!

I'm thinking deeper in regards to causality here then just the "rebound" or on seizing upon gainful opportunities as they present themselves, rather perhaps I'm trying touch on something a bit more transcendental..

For example, even within relationships, we seek something more. Even when we have sexual partners, we need something deeper. Some kind of connection perhaps? But why? After all, "..maybe I'm expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded.."

We are all flawed individuals, we can't find some kind of "perfect mate" out there because no such thing exists, and yet, true, there are human beings we seem to connect with on some kind of deeper level the others. What I am getting at, is why do we inherently and almost perpetually seek this connection, even when it is hurtful or irrational?

The politics of the rebound are to simple for this discussion, and I am actually very much enjoying the company (all around, physical, spiritual, and emotional) of my current fling [sort of], however, I am trying to even understand why in the midst of my otherwise mature, well-adjusted, responsible, socially active adult life, I still find myself chasing after these women like a school boy? Even if as adults we do it in a more suave and sophisticated approach, internally its the same unyielding drive, but what is the cause? See without properly assessing the underlying causality, you can only keep field dressing the wounds with temporary bandages which bleed through quite quickly.

Because we are creatures of procreation. We subconsciously wish to procreate even when we do not realize it. It's as simple as that. Sex isn't the mysterious thing people make it out to be, even when it sometimes feels that way. We often make it out to be more complex than what it actually is. We only think we are different than most species. The same impulses are there.

The soul, whatever that is, has absolutely nothing to do with any of it.

Sorry broham, but that is way to nihilistic for my tastes, and further, is way to simplistic. Human beings are far more complicated than just physiology or "instinct", shit I don't even believe animals are that fucking simple, have you seen some of their obscure mating rituals, or the length of some of their even stricter monogamy than any humans can possibly maintain? Sexuality, be it human or animal, is than far more complex then just chemical drives and ancient reproductive urges, and further mr cynical, what instilled these ancient urges in the first place then?

I can accept a Freudian outlook that explains all of our complex human culture, society, and technology, as one big mating dance, however, even with that simplistic approach there are more complicated variables in regards to human feelings and experiences. True, our whole damned world is just part of our sexual expression, however, there is still something deeper as to why individual humans chose to jump into this game. This is the causality I am talking about, what is the root cause internally of this human drive, not just for simple sex and reproduction, but a deeper kind of communication? You can be as James Dean as you'd like and pretend to honestly believe all that mumbo jumbo you said, but honestly, do you think that all your relationships were just for sex? Just for reproduction? What about homosexuality, is that just a biological anomaly? There must be something more, and why is this not fulfilled even in the process of sex or relationships, what keeps it going even when it seems to be satisfied, why is this only a fleeting satisfaction? The drive continues, even in absence of reality, like the constant itch of a phantom limb..

I've seen some of the "obscure" mating rituals, yes. Thing is, they are only obscure to us...not the species themselves. And in the same way that they have rituals, we arguably (very arguably, yes) do too.

Conciously, I like big hips. Big hips typically mean a big ass. subconsciously, I am seeing easy childbirth. It's simple as far as I see it.

Biological determinism! Hurrah!

I'm off to rape people BECAUSE I SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANT TO.

I'm also off to eat loads of burgers BECAUSE SUBCONSCIOUSLY I'M HUNGRY.

ok.

Probably just to not be alone. No one likes living alone or being alone(for the most part), but if a person is able to "find" someone to share even just a few moments with...uhh they'll continue looking for these relationships.


@Nefeli, Fear of death(to me) is not so much fear of leaving this realm of existence but rather fearing what is next. The Unknown can be scary...

i think there is no fear of death
because that can't exist because from our animal design pulses signals are created to run away in danger or atack

and those are the natural developped systems
when they are active , people call that fear
i sort of see it like that

having a fear of leaving life, you can also see it like that
is a sign that you don't really understand it
and maybe think you are an 'importand animal on the planet'

evolution is designed like that, enjoy it , don't fear anything
all the same like all other animals

i place emotions in the evolution, where they belong
translate life in that way to myself
everyone can do it

That last part rings very true.

tl;dr

so--- is suchfriends looking for a girlfriend but is repressing the urge? or is he being denied? philosophy is usually born from pain.

My guess would be just getting out of a relationship?

sort of.. I am actually in a cool situation with a really cool woman, but honestly, that last few relationships I have been in didn't go as deeply as I would have liked, and with this woman, I enjoy letting things flow in a natural pace, but we've really made a deep connection and honestly I'd like it to naturally flow in a closer direction, but it seems to be taking its appropriate time.

I am not in rush for this particular woman so much as it seem in my heart that I have been yearning for something deeper, something more than I have had with my past few relationships.

What I am not understanding really is why then when my dating, working, family, and social situations all seem to be quite cool and content, does my heart "feel like more?"

My question then is not really about any particular woman or the lack thereof, more so about why even in relationships or in-between, do we in our hearts and souls have these deeper yearnings for intimate connections? You can't force these things, time unveils them on their own progression, but I can't help lately wanting things to progress more.

Again, I don't want to rush this woman I am dating now so much as I would love if serendipity came to the rescue of my heart and perhaps love might find me again? Realistically, I've been dating women for years, but I haven't been in soul-moving love for some time, maybe I just read way to much Gabriel Garcia-Marquez ;)

I'm sorry for your loss.

me? wow. do you have to ask?

wow. and that was why I made this thread. thanks SYG for helping me figure this out in letting me temporarily commandeer the forum as if it were my own blog. that above quoted revelation is the one I needed to have for a long long time now, and it just barely hit me a few moments ago. This thread gave voice to what had been knawing one the bone at me for some time. Its like Jimi said at Woodstock (and which I can't seem to find a video of anywhere on the internet)

well if even kim and thurston can't hold it together then what chance do us mere mortals have! (hah only kidding)

i think maybe the constant search is a social product - fairy tales, tv, films, songs, adverts, books everything tells us that we can find 'the one' or have some kind of deep connection. plus the personal desire that our love must be better or stronger than any one else's.

It's time the human race rose above the level of copulating farm animals. It's about time relationships should centre more on intellectual companionship and less on it being like hogs rutting in the mud.