Ridiculous musical instruments
 

I saw a band the other week that weren't really doing much for me but I was tolerating them out of politeness. But my ability to tolerate them disappeared altogether when the vocalist/guitarist produced a kazoo from his jacket pocket and started singing through that. It was a preposterous moment, and the rock 'n' roll police should ensure that some kind of legislation is passed to ban such things.

What other musical instruments should go on the banned list?

Triangles should disappear off the face of the planet on account of every non-musician ever making the joke about 'being able to play the triangle'. How witty! How insightful! Pricks.

By contrast, more of these (preferably played by pretty Japanese ladies) please

Although great, to many thereminists about these days, less please.



"HAHAHAHA. You're SOOO kooky with your kids keyboard!!!!"

I've once seen this band (I think they were called COW or something like that) that pulled out every single trick in the book of aenemic indie tactics. They had a vintage moog with a girl who couldn't play it and looked like Laetitia Sadler of Stereolab, a guy who dressed like a member of Clinic and used a drumstick to play his guitar, the bass player was just the bass player, and the drummer looked completely out of place, like he was a penniless roadie who happened to be on stage. I turned round to this girl I was chatting to and told her that they were shit. Turns out that she was the keyboardist's sister, but she told me that she thought that they were shit too.

Those moments are priceless. I've said that to some poor young chaps Mum (in fairness, she didn't look old enough, and I should really have noticed the wedding ring) who said something like, "Yes, it's a bloody racket, but he means well". Damning with faint praise etc.

Musical saw or the wobble board.

i dunno, all instruments could be cool. the kazoo and the triangle are the obvious stupid sounding ones.

..and here i thought this was going to be a harry partch thread..

the musical saw can sound brilliant!
i think the too many guitars atached together should be destroyed. especially the ones that are the same guitar, same tuning and only atached so that the "guitarist" can look like a circus clown *





*see michael angelo batio

but this kind is allowed

What if the triangle suits the song ? This thread is stupid, any instrument can be good or bad depending on how it's used.

But its existence means that every non-musician makes the same fucking gag - didn't you read my post? Your post is stupid.

I understand what you mean, Torn Curtain, but I maintain that there is no way in which the kazoo can be used in a non-gimmicky way in music. It is a child's toy and has no place in music (apart from possibly the likes of the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band). It is just overbearingly and annoyingly "wacky".

Except: New Face in Hell.

Nope, sorry, not even Mark E Smith is allowed to use the kazoo.

What a stupid thing to say. This thread is stupid. I mean, stupid.

That is the most racist thing I have ever read.

Are you stupid? Where did you detect the racism in my post? Is that the fruit of your stupidity or you're just being stupid? Stupid racist.

Only a stupid person would repeat stupid so many times? What are you, stupid? That's a stupidly stupid thing to stupidly say. You stupid gay.

So why is it that I can hear an echo of stupidity in your post?

That instrument actually looks quite interesting.

Ok, I agree as regards the kazoo.

Yes!

Its the musical equiviant of the kind of people that wear a red nose or a silly 'mindly amusing' tie into work to show they're "a bit mad"

"ohhh you gotta be MAD to work 'ere"

The purpose of this 'kooky/crazy guy' act is to cover up for a lack of natural wit, humour, intelligence or in this instance - musical talent. Unfortuately when these everyday office types crossover into music, this jackarse routine is mistaken by many as an ironic gesture. I just find this fucking annoying. But whos the bigger prick? Them for playing a kids instrument or me for pointing it out?....

PS: Its always a bad idea to say anything negative about a band to anyone in a venue. The audiences of terrible bands are always filled with friends and relatives.

Kazoos are great. Get bent everyone who thinks otherwise. Anyone can play a kazoo. Kazoos offer a form of musical liberation like no other instrument. It sounds like fuzzy singing.

The Ondes-Martenot is a silly instrument but more people should use it.

plus frank zappa did some brilliant things with a kazoo...

any instrument can be used for brilliance. i'm just saying the triangle and kazoo are the lamest!

i sure do hope people besides me (and atari 2600) on this board know who harry partch is. look at the instruments he made. he was THE genius.

Yep...Partch is great. I'm sure a few here are aware of his work.

Only Weird Al Yankovic can use Kazoo's.

Are you guys going to give me shit for owning and playing a pink keytar?


^actual picture of my keytar and keyboard.

Were going to give you shit, because we just want to.

Bloody musicians, they always ruin the fun.

Yeah tell me about it.

Was it you who put up links to the documentary about him? It was really interesting, his life story and those insane instruments, there was one made from elements of nuclear reactors or something?

The Chapman Stick is pretty hard to use tastefully (though it has been done on rare occasions) or successfully defend.


There is virtually no defense for those stupid nine-string Conklin basses though.

They're called shengs and are of Chinese origin you racist/misogyinist.

The triangle can be quite difficult to play, especially in long pieces of classical music, it's all about the timing.
I think the 'wooden fish' is a brilliantly ridiculous idiophone, after reading one description of its origin in China, "a Chinese Buddhist monk went to India to acquire sutras. On his way to India, he found the way blocked by a wide, flooding river. There appeared neither bridge nor boat.
Suddenly, a big fish swam up. It offered to carry the monk across the river. The fish told the monk that it wanted to atone for a crime committed when it was a human. It asked the monk to request that the Buddha made the fish a Bodhisattva.
The monk agreed to let the fish help, and continued his quest for seventeen years. After getting the scriptures, he returned to China via the river, which was flooding again. As the monk worried about how to cross, the fish came back to help. It asked if the monk had made the request to the Buddha. To the monk's dismay, he had forgotten. The fish became furious and splashed the monk, washing him into the river. A passing fisherman saved him from drowning, but unfortunately the sutras had been ruined by the water.
The monk went home, full of anger. Seventeen years of effort wasted! Filled with anger at the fish, he made a wooden effigy of a fish head. When he recalled his adversity, he beat the fish head with a wooden hammer. To his surprise, each time he beat the wooden fish, the fish opened its mouth and vomited a character. He became so happy that, when he had time, he always beat the fish. A few years later, he had got back from the wooden fish's mouth what he had lost to the flood."

I don't like Stomp.

noone should play the skin flute on stage.

Houston bands with chapman stick

rusted shut
dry nod

When I saw Rusted Shut they had no stick. I'm sure of it, because I totally would have made fun of them. Guess they don't take it on the road.