Random Drug Testing
 

A co-worker of mine was randomly picked to take a piss today and he is totally going to fail. The policy at my place of employment it termination if you test positive, OR you must aknowledge that you have a drug problem, or drinking problem, whatever. Basically they belittle you, and force drug abuse classes on you.

So because this guy smokes pot, and has for a very long time, without this EVER interfering with his job, he's going to be in hot water for it. Is this or is this not bullshit? They will lose a good worker for doing something off the clock, and in his own private life, illegal or not.

I think I've read somewhere that this is in violation of an amendment, which I can't confirm or not.

Discuss.

How is that a violation of an amendment? The employer doesn't want drug users, obviously, and your friend was taking drugs knowing that.

Yeah that's messed up especially if he isn't blatantly intoxicated or screwing up on the job. Where do you work?

Something to do with when its done. I understand why they would do it, but that doesn't mean it makes sense. I don't know.

I work at a hospital. But this isn't exclusive to medical fields. It's quite common for many jobs here.

The measure of competence is performance.

I remember the supreme court had a ruling about drug testing on school students in that they can only do it to kids that have a parking permit or are in afterschool activiites.

I got drug tested once because I was in Academic Challenge, and I was clean! Surprise, surprise!

To play devil's advocate for a second- maybe in drug testing their employees- they want to nip problems in the bud (no pun intended) before they become problems. For some (note I said some!) people, marijuana is a gateway drug. Talking to an employee about their marijuana use and ensuring that it doesn't develop into the use of other drugs that could really interfere with work would be important to a lot of employers.

I've written before (at the old board a couple of times) how to beat the litmus(esque) stick tests (which are used to test for heroin, marijuana & cocaine) that are most commonly given. Most employers (& the courts & police as well) cannot afford any more expensive method of testing than the litmus dipstick.

Forget all the jive you hear & don't trust any over-the-counter bullshit potions. I've seen these fail time & time again when people ignored my advice. Golden Seal Root will dehydrate you & may cause internal organ damage if taken it too great an amount. I'm sure vinegar, cranberry juice or jello isn't a hindrance to the effort, but they are also not necessary.

First of all, if the test is unsupervised then it's extremely easy to beat. Supervised ones are trickier using my proven method. All the ones I beat were supervised by either a probation or police officer.

I learned about this technique watching an HBO documentary series in the '80s called "Life of Crime" that followed two drug addict thieves for a period of a few years. I was only in high school when I saw the show, but later, in my times of need, I remembered the information which was only discussed on the show for like 10 seconds. The thieves had to piss for their parole officer & they passed. Knowing that they were both hardcore heroin addicts, the documentarian naturally asked one of them just how they had beaten the test. By the way, the series ended when both of them got life in prison.

If you have any notice, then drink lots of water during the days leading up to the test. It's not really even necessary to stop doing drugs the night before or even the day of the test either. What you do is dilute your urine by drinking lots of water & you also allow for a long, continuous stream by drinking so much water. However, you must never actually piss the very first piss of the day or the very first part of a urine stream either or you will fail. The first part of the stream is where the vast majority of the toxins are released. About an hour before you go in for the test, you dip the tip of your left (if you're right-handed & plan on holding your dick with your right hand during the test) index (pointing) finger in bleach. When you are asked to piss, you simply feign not being able to go & then actually piss the first part of the stream into the toilet. As you are still pissing, you transfer the stream to the cup & as you do so you must gently tap your finger with the bleach onto the stream for a split-second. Your left hand is also holding the cup so this is not too noticeable or difficult really.
You're good now. You just passed. Some people try to bring in visine bottles of bleach if the test is unsupervised, but they end up using far too much bleach & making the results of the test inconclusive, which necessitates yet another test in the future. As long as you can even barely smell bleach when you put your finger right up to your nose then this method will absolutely work if you do it correctly.

Since one doesn't have too much notice on the job when a drug test might be administered, I would advise keeping a small amount of bleach handy, unless your job has some on hand & just drinking as much water as you can before the test. Even on this short notice passing the test should be a cinch because most employee drug tests are not supervised.

Just have a "clean" friend go in for the piss test and pose as your other friend. They may ask for social security, drivers licence, whatever. Just have him say, "oh, I left it at the company".

fuckin hell atari2600, that is some method, that is the best was to fluff a drugs test i've ever heard of. i lost a really good job because i was a greener AFTER WORK every day, it was in NO way affecting my work and i can say that with my hand on my heart, it was just the old fogies in the workplace didnt want me there, they were kinda freaked out by the quirky/loud/office clown, but i tell ya, if i had of know that method i'd still be ther today driving them mad, they made me go for test after test cuz the first one showed up positive and i was on my LAST chance bullshit, give your mate Atari2600's idea, i feel for him man, its not nice thinking today is gonna be the last day of your otherwise cushy job, let us know how he got on.

i can kinda understand how a hospital might want its staff not being on drugs.

what about getting some chlorine crystals (in the spa and pool section) under your fingernail and dropping a little in?

To be the devil's advocate, I agree with Saturnine in a sense.

While I in no way think that the use of drugs should affect your employment status if your productivity is satisfactory, most employers DO provide the disclaimer that they will perform random drug testing.

If your friend knew this would present a potential difficulty, perhaps he should have reconsidered his decision to apply there.

Random drug testing is permissible by law; it is up to the discretion of each individual organization, contingent upon their notification of potential employees of their policies.

One day I came home to find a plastic Ziploc bag full of what appeared to be human piss on the doorstep. My dad, being the good samaritan that he is, pissed in a bag for a friend who was about to be subject to a drug screening. The friend quite easily smuggled the bag into the testing center, poured the borrowed piss into a cup, and passed the test with flying colors.

So be a good sport - donate your piss today!

problem is trunc....they now take the temp of your pisss......making sure it's fresh!
I hate the idea of drug testing.....
i LOVE my privacy

Obviously, this would be no shock if when he started it was company policy to randomly drug test. He has worked there for at least ten years, and when he was a new hire, this policy was not in effect. It has only been within the last three years or so that they have reserved the right to do this. And it has been less than a year that they have actually tested people. Besides that, I'm not arguing that its a shock or unexpected. Its the fact you can lose your job for doing something off the clock.

Yes, I realize with it being a hospital that they don't want staff walking around high all day. Though that would really make inserting a catheter interesting.

Atari, that is genius.

Speaking of which, I had to do a urine test yesterday for an infection and they're going to find weed :S

I concur.

Last time I had a urine test, the doctor called my mom and told her to get me to drink more water because I was dehydrated.

hah, having a hospital full of junkies is a bad policy, considering the amount of drugs available for anyone with a habit.

marijuana just happens to fall into some legal grey area. i mean they don't test for beer drinking, do they? (drunks are worse than potheads, but cmon-- would you want a stoner filling up your prescription or administering your dose?-- "uh... i forgot how much i put there, man..."). anyway..

i'd say if your friend can't fool the test he should spread his metaphorical buttcheeks wide open & confess he's a "drug fiend" or whatever-- this automatically puts him in a disability status and makes him ineligible to be fired.

actually, he should talk to a lawyer instead of getting internet advice. maybe he'll manage to get a nice severance package, heh heh...

i have to say however your friend MUSt have a drug problem if he feels compelled to use IN SPITE of the risk this poses on his job. i mean, does he need it so badly he's willing to risk his paycheck for it? either/or. you can say it hasnt interfered with his job, but have no proof-- we have evidence however that it has interfered with his judgment. and if you have bad judgment, can you be trusted at work?

--
ps. atari is no doubt one of the smartest people around here.

Nah, I wasn't looking for advice, and he's a smart enough guy to not look online for support or anything. I was just curious what you guys thought about it all.

There are plenty of potheads/drunks that work at the hospital though, which is sort of concering. But what you don't know, can't kill you....or can it? Hospitals are dirty places in general. Trust.