Am I allowed to think of Appetite for Destruction as a punk album?

But you find punk to be dull. So, techincally, that only confirms DK as the best punk act of all time. I think they're more or less the "most punk" you can get.

You're allowed to think whatever the fuck you want, but you'd be totally wrong.

That's what I was worried about. I'll not think of it as one in that case. No point in being wrong when you don't have to be.

hate my lists

How are they?

Your lists are what keep me going. When your shoulder heals, I'm gonna come over and tread on it so you'll have to write more.

Lists are where it's at. Make Lists Not War.

Quite good, thank you.

They're really just fast rock, not incredibly talented but can make it seem like they are, they basically dressed up to punk standards, their singer had an obnoxious voice, and they had all kinds of anarchistic controversial agendas. They also made fun of Dire Straits at an executive show. That's pretty much what I consider punk.

I think using the criterion 'dull' to be indicative of punk would make Carol Vorderman into the grand avatar of punk. You may well have a point.

Yes, Carol Vorderman is shockingly dull. But strangely more attractive than that woman in X-Ray Specs. Who always struck me as looking like a supply teacher.

I'd definitely keep it warm in Carol, but I'd hate for my mates to find out.

No way. I'd be shouting it from the rooftops if I managed to cop off with Vorderman. I'd probably even embellish a few details. You know, make her out to be a bit on the dirty side, liked to be knocked about a bit, called names. That kind of thing.

Punk as fuck, this one:

I can't for a second imagine that she'd be anything more than filthier than several legions of shit.

Nigella, meanwhile, would wake up in the morning to every paper advertising my knobbing of her.

Yeah well, Nigella's a different league altogether. Proper dirty I reckon. Into all sorts.

Y'know she's going to smile sweetly as she slides it up her shitter. Bloody loves it.

Ahem.

Sorry, I think I may have over-stepped the mark there.

Shit, reading that gave me a bit of a tingle to be honest.

Was it a "those are nice trousers... oh." sort of tingle or a "Oh, I'm walking past hockey again, how does this keep...ooooooh dear" sort of a tingle?