Now and Then
 

What do you like about yourself now and what do you not miss about your previous self?

Me - I like that I am a much calmer and more confident person now but sometimes I wish I was more paranoid and angry like I used to be. I am still angry at stuff but I don't show it so much anymore.

hm, i don't know...i never really think about myself in that way.

Maybe I'm too emo for the internet...

nah, you're alright. i'm an emotionless lurker is all.

NOW - I like how I am self-assured in a way that I never was as a younger instigator. I can aim my instigation at proper eenmies now instead of full on rage at everything around me.
I also like how I am a more open music listener than I was 20 years ago (I am about to be 40). I can appreciate my wife's slow jams without making her feel horrible for liking them.

I do miss the younger self's ability to ingest mass quantities without destroying three days worth of living....

Rob, if you're talking about drugs, I am glad I have never been too much into them myself. I went through some brief phases but they only served as a recreational diversion.

I can only drink about 1/3 of what I could 2 years ago, partly because of lifestyle change, and partly due to age

your words say "emotionless" but your avatar screams "rager".

SPEAKING OF RAGE (my prime whiskey, alan dugan dixit) -- for me i think i find myself being much less angry and less judgmental over the past, oh... decade? i used to really enjoy riding people whenever i'd catch them doing something "wrong." these days not so much, i think, although, if pushed, i can still explode. but it takes lots more.

and because 99% of that judgment was directed at myself, i used to be a fucking miserable depressive. depression! luckily i have little time for those entertainments these days.

not so terrible a change.

things i miss: not getting sports injuries. mother. fucker.

Patience is a big one for me. I can never recall being patient for the first time until, maybe, my mid 30s. As much as I am pleased with this, it sort of worries me because I may be turning into a mass murderer and I am not aware of it.

the only thing that i really miss is my pre-2009 self and music. how much more passionate i was, in terms of researching and listening to 'new' music.


what is happening past years - cant say exactly that i like because its not jolly procedures, but surely i prefer - is the battle i am under with the things that i think, do or dont do, that put pressure on me and hold me back.

Less resentful, more grateful.

I miss the carefree summers, though.

I miss not having been with girls and having that naivety. I don't enjoy having a list of failed relationships.

i do have a ball of rage at the center of my being, and you have a good point. i hold that rage back far better than i used to in the past.

maybe the girls do not miss it. they love your sexual maturity. ha!

well i dont believe in the self or any kind of narrative of personal growth.

my mental health has been better and my headaches have gone away since i started a soylent diet.

getting my rda of nutrients has obviously allowed my body the extra energy to perform debugs and updates.

maturity and embarrassment go hand in hand. my life seems to be a series of enthusiastic energetic outbursts that feel positive but one day are revealed as humiliating.

ha.

yep. i make my own. there's a community of people doing the same.

the official soylent is only available in the US as part of a crowdsource.

i dont have weighing scales, but was told by someone i live with that "you've lost at least half a stone." this was after 3 days of soylent. certainly everyday i wake up now my previously bulging stomach is shrinking. at my fattest my bmi was 34.4. thats considered obese!

also, my soylent mix contains slightly more than the rda of fat and a carbohydrates, yet i am still losing weight.

i'll probably drink this stuff for the rest of my life.

I didn't have a great time during my adolescence, I used to be a very religious and a goody-goody type of guy with a bad taste in garments (all the bright colours and stripes made me look like a bumblebee). Oh and overweight on top of that.

I went straight into my punk-phase at the age of 16 though, green mohawk, band-tees and all. It was a confusing time in which my ideology was passionate but not very consistent. So I pretty much like everything I have become since then.

If I were to pick anything that was better in "the good old days" it would be the fact that I refrained from drinking energy drinks and that I was a tad more enthusiastic about things. I tend to be apathetic and cynical quite often these days.

SUFFERING

Meher Baba




Jamshed Mehta, the mayor of Karachi, told Baba he found himself surrounded by difficulties with no immediate solution. Baba told him,

This is not bad news, this is very good news. You are lucky to have so many hardships. The fact is that there are no hardships, because everything in the world is one big zero. I see and experience this every moment.

Once tested by the Avatar or Sadguru, the devotee will feel as if he is about to die. It is terrible. This Path of God is the harshest and most insurmountable thing possible.

Still, don't worry and don't lose hope. Good times are ahead, and after these difficulties, quietude and comfort await you. Terrible suffering is a sign of happiness and peace to come. Great heat denotes the coming of rain. Great suffering and intense sorrow indicate that happiness is about to dawn.

Anything beyond your capacity will necessarily change your capacity, because so long as everything is within your limits, you don't know what is beyond them. And everything concerning God and God-realisation is beyond limit. So in this way great suffering and being plagued with terrible problems are beneficial.

People pray to me to solve their difficulties, saying that they love me. But there is a vast difference between love and prayer. In Persian (the expression) to pray means to beg, to want, to desire something, even the blessings of God. But when a person really loves, he gives himself over to his beloved completely. This is true love. In that there is no begging, no wanting, and no room for desires. Only the longing to unite with the beloved remains.

Love means the renunciation of the self. Prayer means selfishness, no matter how high the prayer may be. So there is a vast difference between when one prays and when one loves.


July 1931,
Karachi,
LM4 p1374