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I used to do drugs...
I used to do drugs...
I still do, but I used to too. :cool: (I love Mitch Hedberg) |
Hey Mitch, Smokey the bear is way more intense in real life.
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I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fishsticks in shit!
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i ordered a club sandwich and i'm not even a member.
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I got a clock that occasionally cooks shit...
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You know when you go to a concert like punk-rock and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd? People think that's dangerous, but not me... because humans are made of 95% water, so the audience is 5% away from a pool
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With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CHOUT again. |
I helped my friend Larry stay put. It's like helping people move, but the other way around. I went to his house on Saturday and made sure he didn't start loading shit into a van.
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I love it when Mitch bombs. His jokes are just that much more hilarious with the awkward silence.
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Quote:
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"I like rice, rice is great when you're hungry and you want two thousand of something."
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