The Public: your own personal horror-stories
 

In the course of my day, I often have to deal with "the public". Maybe you do to.

If you've never had the chance to meet them, "the public" are the unwashed, uncouth masses, hellbent of a free meal that is spoonfed to them. They are the lowest, most despicable sort, more than worthy of our derision.

So let's hear your worst and I'll share some of mine.


I'll start: a mentally handicapped individual (read: retarded) once informed me that I was the anti-christ, over $5.00. I hope they burn in hell.


Now you!!

"you sent me a bill"

Yes, you owe $654.10.

"wha' fer?"

You had a ________ performed on ______. Your insurance left you $544.10 deductible, and $110 in co-insurance.

"Woll, wha' didju bill me fer $654.10 then?"


Math, motherfucker. Do you speak it?

From the vault:

"I am gunna take mah 22 chigga gun, and come shoot you and that punkass motherfucking faggot Doctor _______."

Sir, you need a psychiatrist, not a pulmonologist.

"Well it comes after".

'Comes after' what, sir?

"Motherfucker, IT COMES AFTER PULMONOLOGY, DON'T IT???"

Yes sir, it does, IN THE PHONEBOOK.


Note: this call also featured the line "white people don't care about Martin Luther King. All you people care about is Princess Di".

pubic hairs on urinals........eww

I had a nice young man attempt to sell me a lunchbox-sized 'panic button' whilst attempting to fill up in south Dallas (Oak Cliff to be exact).

I looked him in the eyes and quite calmly explained, "panic buttons are for the weak", and that "the can of mace I am holding should put someone down long enough for me to finish the job". He left post haste.

I know a jack move when I see one, and he picked the wrong person to attempt to pawn his broken 1980's shit on.

What about chunky blood? Yeah, that's right. Blood. With chunks. Just sitting there on the seat. Fucking nasty.

on a sunny day i thought to chekout a nature park
back in the days i had a scooter and so i was on my way
as i came to the entree of the nature park put my scooter on lock
and started walking into the park and i meet a strange man in a small tennis-short and big glasses and a mustache
wich gave me an deep instintive bad feeling
like why do i feel so bad in a few seconds
he walked by
i continue to walk further into the naturepark and after 5 minutes of walking i lookback and the man i seen with his glasses and mustache was walking after me
at the same time i see a fat man comming behind the bushes where he had be hiding
the 2 men come after me
i started to run back to the entree where i had my scooter parked
one of the 2 men run after me but i was faster
i was in a choque jumped on my scooter and ride towards the police to say that those men wanted to rape me
the police found my story funny
they did not take what happend serious
they simply said there is a gay park where gay people meet

so what ? gay or not gay

they wanted to rape me


then i realized why i instinctivly feel bad when i entered that nature park and see that ugly sick guy
my instincts warned me for danger

What were you wearing?

Maybe you were asking for it.

so your horror story is that someone asked you for money for batteries. jeez the world we live in eh.

Some guy approached me on the street and started talking. How are you, etc.

Then he hit me up for a ride. I felt so annoyed the whole rap was just to get something out of me. No, I was hurt actually. Just a little. I declined.

After hearing your stories and seeing myself in them, I now feel like a total fucking asshole.

don't give me these crazy people talks
who say that little girls who dress sexy are asking to be abused
strange fucked up people

i was wearing normal clothes on my way for walk in the nature park
not in a dress to join a gay parade

Buahaha.

Here's one.

One time I was waiting for this dood(deeler)...at a car wash and you know....you always have to wait a little while. Butt there was this guy two rows away from me, in the area where you vacuum yer vehicle, just fake polishing his Cadillac in a pose sticking out his ass. I notice he's looking directly at me and he instantly begins to lick his lips....smiling. I look away...a minute later I decide to look again...he's still looking at me and then signals to me if I want/do coke. I nod no then he asks me if I can suck my dick. No. Again he asks but also offers me 20 bucks to let him suck my penis. I'm saying no to this dood then he "leaves". He ends up in the next lot over with just a fence in between us. Gets out leans on the fence and asks me for my number and continues to try to talk to me. I leave.

That's too bad, but then again, if you could, would you ever leave the house??

Nah, my guy didn't touch that stuff...I don't k ow about now...but we was young then.

that you must produce baby's for the german jihad lol

no, they call it the ubermensch
producing uberbaby's
das traum des riech

'You put my wife into a suitcase and shipped her like UPS"

How do you spell your wife's last name?

(Spells x 4, each time more venomously than the last)

No...sorry. I cannot find that name in my system.

(spells again...because, you know, spelling isn't my strong suit)

No....I'm sorry, but no...

"YOU PUT HER INTO A BOX!!"

......

"This is _____________ at ___________, right?"

No....

"sorry....wrong number."

[/sigh]

New customers with attitude

:/


You expect answers in the morning before anyone arrives about prices and delivery. Sure I can give you info, but it'll be better/more accurate if a proper sales person does it. And no, I'm not going to give you the owner's cellphone number...



And it's not that we don't want yer business, it's that yer a bitch.

How does a person not understand that te same pricing can't be applied to a customer who buys 1-2k(weekly) vs a customer who buys 15-20k(weekly)??

it's not that they don't understand, it's the they are angling for the lower price.

in cases like that, invoke "policy" or some such external authority that takes you out of the equation. "sorry ma'am, it's company policy to give a greater discount the more you buy..." or some such construction.

if they REALLY don't understand then they are extremely stupid and you won't have to worry about them calling back because they will be out of business soon.

Oh yeah...I should've said that's it's one of our own sales rep, and not a customer.

lololol, fire the dumbfuck.

My two favorite words to use in that case are "contractually bound".

Wolves are always at the door.

that's a good one. i should remember it next time.

i'm sorry sir but i am contractually obligated to tell you to go fuck yourself

Well, I am the public and I would not want to deal with me when I'm pissed off.

Like last night, on the way to the Text of Light show my buddy and I stopped at Paquitos on 1st Ave to get some dinner, I get takeout there all the time so we decided to go int he restaurant side, because the Thai place was closed for some reason.

We placed our order and about 2 mins later another waitress comes out with my friend's burrito, kind of throws it down and then we don't see our waitress again. When my friend is half done, I know they aren't going to bring me any food, but there is not even a waitress to wave over. Finally, our waitress is seen around the corner, she's been hiding somewhere, and I ask her for our check, which does not have my food on it. I ask her why she didn't bring me my foiod and she pretends suddenly to not speak english much and says 'I didn't hear you'. No, you did hear me because you wrote down my order then asked me about a drink, which I said no to then realized I wanted cafe con leche.

Either she's retarded or, as I think, she found some reason to eff with the white guy. Well, it came out of her pocket, so I hope she was happy.

My friend didn't like it but I wouldn't let him leave a tip. They didn't even come back to our table once to even refill our fucking water.

The take out is delicious and I never have any problems with the woman who runs that side of the business.

and no, I didn't eat dinner last night

So you are a janitor too? My former brother-in-law was a high school janitor, the war stories he told me about how the ladies restrooms were always left in disarray were what made me feel he was devoted to my sister and their family, to go to that job everyday. We're talking bloody maxi-pads stuck up on the walls like slap tags on the LA Metro..



I love people, the crustier and crummier the better, bring on all the curmudgeons please ;)

they had, in the east village, last i was there, some japanese-style vending machine with food. does it still exist?

sorry about your hunger. she's probably brain-damaged.

dealing with the public, the one that immediately comes to mind was in the late 80's I took a 2nd job at Martinetti's liquor store in the north end of Boston. I was workign bottle return and this homeless guy was making his daily drop off, then he asked me to convert some of his change to dollars, and when he pulled out the handful of change, there were fucking roaches skittering all over his out held hand and the change, he'd pulled the roaches out of his pocket with the change. I told him get out of here, no way pal.

oh fucking shit! i wish i could see this on film.

That's pretty much how it works. It's like Contractual Obligation is a third person on the line, with their hand on my shoulder, smiling, shaking his head firmly 'no', and saying 'you will pay the $5.00, you rich cunt, no matter how much you whine that it's a 'sin'".

OH man....If only it were that easy.

EVEN though legally we are able to fire him for sticking his fucking nose in other people's business(i'll leave it at that). But for some odd reason, the main mang(my father) has this sympathy for the dumb fuck. I personally just don't enjoy this rep's presence at ALL. I know...I hate everyone, but this guy seriuosly ticks me off. He honestly has no respect for me or my siblings here, and he cannot recognizes the errors he makes. instead he washes his hands by blaming it on someone else...CAN YOU BELIEVE HE STILL GETS AWAY WITH MOST OF THAT SHIT? Anyways....progress is slowly being achieved. However, we can truly have this running more efficiently if the head honcho wasn't so hard headed :(

I can't shake off the feeling that this thread is a little on the ironic side.

I give world-class customer service. Mostly, because there is a horrendous lack of it in all walks of life, but secondly, so that I can bitch, as profusely as I desire, completely free of conscience.

I am the nicest guy you will never meet.

do you give good head?

I give good errrthang.

that's so nice!

Don't bat your eyes at me like that. I promise, I'm not your type.

i know, you're all skin and bones, but damn, it's so nice that you give good head. so nice!






me, i'm just a dick.