Your new job...
 

...is writing fortunes for fortune cookies. :D Give an example of yr wit or wisdom.

Help, I'm trapped in a chinese fortune cookie factory!

eating more cookies will bring you closer to zen.

Don't ever expect anything, you'll be more surprised.

i know where you live.

free yr mind and yr ass will follow. the kingdom of heaven is within.



I think that I'll like my new job, ripping off Funkadelic lyrics.

Vegemite tastes better than marmite.

of course!

One today is worth two tomorrows.

if you can't beat 'em, join 'em
--bugs bunny

Da kömmer sowass ehbm nimmähr machng!

Public apathy enables leaders to ignore voters.

la cocaina no es buena para su salud.

If she says OK, go ahead and stick that finger in her butt.

Listening to the Mars Volta will free your colon whenever you feel constipated

bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

Masturbating and listening to PJ Harvey will make you cry yourself to sleep and enjoy your night

Beware of the wildly different costs of a single shot of Buffalo Trace Bourbon when on a pub crawl.

Laughing at gingers in the street is funny; until Adam Cooley rules the world, that is.

Around the time the Mars Volta got big, my friend who was really into them would play their music every time he would take a dump in his bathroom, obviously to eliminate embarrassing sounds.

Thus, "mars volta" became a euphemism for shitting.

evrybody has there own way of saying "sh**t without saying it

we always say 'im gonna go push some gut outta my butt'

This is great.

People should just start printing these off, and posting them on front doors.

Beware of corn snakes in the laundry room.

To cool to be a fool.

Once you're a Pickle you can never be a Cucumber again.

Live life to the fullest, what else is there to do?

Got the Blues? Try Smiling

kill yourself.

Osea soy fresa, pero no para tu malteado ok?

Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.

Please kill yourself so I can rock

Oh no! You broke it!

Man who farts in elevator rises alone.

"Don't eat the brown acid, man"

And I'm serious. STP is awful.

Well, my ESL recruiter is no longer returning my emails and I have another job lined up at the Apple store in the Grove.

Stupid fucking shit never goes anywhere.

you are a bellend

One of my favourite quotes on this board was Toilet and Bowels saying, "ipods are for bellends". Hahahah word.