could you be with someone even though you thought their friends were horrible?
 

Well?

The reason why I'm asking this is because of one of my girlfriend's best friends. They were the best of friends until she started going out with me, which was when her friend started to be horrible to her... as for some reason she dislikes me even though I've never did anything to her. I honestly don't have a problem with ANYONE in my personal life and I've always thought of myself as a nice considerate friendly person but this "friend" of hers just seems to be completely against me. I chocked this up to jealousy; she's jealous that her best friend of all time is wanting to spend time with someone other than her.

And throughout our relationship this friend has lied to her, ditched her, talked about her behind her back and worst of all, put our relationship down. She even went as far as to say to everyone I was nasty to her and a bad boyfriend. Now this is bullshit! I've never acted nasty to her, and if I managed to upset her I would always do everything in my power to rectify the situation. Also to consider that she's made my girlfriend way more upset than I ever could. She is a dramatic narcissist and I hate even the mention of her name (honestly she is one of the ugliest people I have ever met... yet she thinks she's absolutely beautiful).

Now this sort of goes beyond someone being mean to my girlfriend, but the fact she brings me into it and tries to put down everything me and my gf have built pisses me off to no end. And trust me, it takes A LOT for me to be pissed off.

My girlfriend's reaction? Eh, she doesn't care! She's willing to be walked all over by this friend because she thinks she has no one else (even though she has me and tons of people she talks to online... and I keep telling her she should ask these people to hang out instead of attaching herself to someone that's mean to her). And when trying to discourage her from this friend she says, "Well she's been in my life longer than you have!" ...Eh? What relevance does that have? Who in the past year or so loved her, took care of her and hung out with her? And who in the past year treated her like shit? Ultimately I really don't understand her mindset... I give her so many reasons why this friend is bad for her and her reply is, "It's my own decision to who I hang about with!" Yes, fair enough. But when this friend throws me into the equation also, that's where I draw the line.

But yes, I'm ranting. Give me your stories, opinions etc.

It does sound as though your gf and her friend don't have the healthiest of friendships, which seems to be a problem in itself. Speaking purely personally though, I've found it impossible to maintain a relationship with someone whose friends either I didn't like (which is perfectly reasonable) or who didn't like me (which considering I'm quite possibly the nicest person in existence, frankly isn't). Best of luck with it all, close friendships are funny things though.

you can't expect people to throw out their friends. Lovers can not replace friends, it is too different. If your chick's friend is truly such a detriment, then your chick will find out inevitably. I have had plenty of horror stories over friends, that have even escalated to end in gun violence :(

eventually I discovered who was and who weren't my friends but that can't be the decision of my lovers, my other friends, my co-workers, or my family. Those decisions had to made entirely on my own, through my own distinct experiences and interpretation of the vibes/feelings..
the best thing you can do is be supportive and positive. Do NOT be antagonistic to her friend, it will ONLY come back in your face. If you love or at least care about your chick, then you will be comfortable letting her make her OWN mistakes, but ALSO don't let some bad apple chicks (ie, the friend) fuck up YOUR program either. That being said, let your chick have her friend and casually supervise to make sure this friend doesn't fuck up anything of yours (like stealing from you or calling the cops for bullshit or things like that, after all some chicks live in a constant power trip and you especially have to watch those ones)

Yeah they don't and that's due to my girlfriend's friend... who is dramatic, childish etc.

And yeah, thanks, it doesn't make me want to break up with her or anything but it does put a strain on our relationship I feel.

aaah, sod it. Tell her you've had enough, buy yourself some old Dr Who DVDs (ideally this one) and reconcile yourself to a life of desperate (but at least not confusing) batchelorhood.

Well my girlfriend has said, "I KNOW what she's like, you don't have to tell me." But if she really did realise then she wouldn't want to hang out with her all the time right?

Oh and another thing... this past christmas this friend was supposed to go on holiday with my gf's family. She bailed out costing my gf's family hundreds. And after not speaking for a few weeks, they are friends again and are considering "going on holiday with each other!" What... someone costs you hundreds, hangs out with you once and all of a sudden what they did is forgivable? I think that is bullshit... and my girlfriend is definitely being foolish and setting herself up to be torn down again.

Hahahaha.

It is extremely relevant and it means EVERYTHING! you need to stop comparing your position/status to the friend..

let the friend be the friend, and you be the lover. People need friends, people need keep attached to conceptions of themselves before their romantic endevours, people need a cushion they feel they can fall back on. Love hurts, and friends (even bad ones) can be quite comforting.

Again, I say stop letting that other chick get to you, in reality the green monster is coming out in you, you are a bit jealous that your chick is not listening to yr judgment, but put the shoe on the other foot, why does this friend threaten you so much? Do you think your chick likes you challenging her judgment?Are you not comfortable enough with your chick to let it go? Trust me, the last thing your chick wants is a battle between her man and her friend, and in the end, bad friend or not, you just might lose on that one..

Only if they were as terrible as my friends.

Yeah, I'm honestly trying to let it go... but you know, incident after incident I get tired of her shit. But it looks like I will have to stay quiet from now on anyway, because complaining about it does no good.

I know what you mean ;)

"I only hang out with criminals and drug dealers.. I love niggaz cuz we comin from the same place.."

none of the chicks I have dated have been able to handle my literally gangster friends, and it always ends in disaster. BUT i wouldn't trade my friends for ANY of those chicks, cuz those chicks don't have my back in the kind of life and death situations me and my brotherz have went through over the years.. My folks know where the bodiez are buried so to speak, but to my ladies well those kinds of things are a secret most girlfriends simply can't handle appropriately ;)


exactly.

Derek
This "friend" is poisonous. She is deliberately sabataging your relationship with your gf...she has total control of the situation and is loving every minute of the chaos she creates. She knows which buttons to push to get both of you upset. She is a selfish, insecure, mean-spirited bitch to do this to her friend. She has no problem manipulating the person she knows very well - your girlfriend - and shamefully pitting her against you.
You cannot win with this situation as it is now. The more you tell your gf what a twat her friend is, the more she will defend her in some way.
The only thing I can tell you is try to "kill her with kindness". Even this may not work because she already knows how you feel about her.
One other thing to try would be to get her a guy of her own. Shit, get her hooked on an online dating site or SOMETHING.
The only thing that will work is to get her mind on something more fun than torturing you two.

I pretty much hate everybody, so this isn't much of an
issue.

I'd be more concerned if she had friends I liked.

Come on, man. no girlfriend can possibly compete with a wirrin:

(a wirrin)

I laughed for a full 30 seconds there.

Haha!

well, your girlfriend likes this girl and wants to be her friend.
that's really not your business in the end.
and by telling her to drop the friend, (in your gfs head) you are doing the exact same thing you are criticizing her for.
dont make it a war like her or me, its her friend let her have it.
you dont have to see her tho.

and also, you'd be surprised. maybe your gf has made a complaints about you to her friend (something she never mentioned to you) or used you as an excuse which would cause this friend to have a distorted perception of you?

i dont know
ive seen a lot of similiar shit and its always more twisted than we imagine.
I AM NOT HELPFUL AM I

thats my approach, I learned it from the Master of conquering haterz the world through kindness

its not working out of you suchfriends, just to let you know.

be careful derek; some of those giving you advice here are women. expect massive levels of xx chromosome irrationality and hysteria.

yes it did. you know you want me.

i guess my point is if you continue insisting she should end this friendship you're the one who'll come across as a manipulative bastard.

oh, i want you
to

my sentiments exactly.

We are both nearly 17, and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever. And I understand the importance of her having friends.. but she also abides by this one friend and says she's "lonely" and it's her only resort. And even though I've told her to hang out with the people she talks to, she makes up lame excuses not to.

Yes, at the start of our relationship there was some drama and this friend is what she used to comfort herself. And that is a part of the problem, this friend has only seen a bad side to our relationship (and a part of the relationship that happened months ago) and has not heard of any of the good things. I've told her friend this though and she doesn't believe me.

(collective sigh from the older SYG crowd)

ohh my poor young friend. women take a long time to evolve from young girls to women, and in the process, they change completely. Unless you can roll with the punches, yr in for a head and heart ache

don't listen to suchfriends it's sexist blah.
you're both quite young, so problems will appear and you'll need to adjust and learn from them.
as for the friend, like you said, she heard the bad side, god knows what was said, she can't really believe you, as her main concern is her friend and her wellbeing and it can be very bias like that.
only time will teach her to see you in a different light, maybe you should try and keep your mind open too. im sure if you give it time everything will be alright.

Your name wouldn't be Spencer and Heidi by any chance? And her friends name is Lauren?

;)

you cannot really win any argument you would start over the issue. Let it run its course. Sadly or otherwise, she will either let it ruin yr relationship, or not. I have mixed feelings on whether or not a partners opinion counts in 'friend' making, because it can be difficult to get the message across to either and it is hard to know truely how the other person sees them.. honestly, i've always tried to be very blunt about my intolerance of bs starting to either friends or partners if they happen to say anything offensive. If yr other half is
unable to do that, it is something yot need to deal with or move on. Neither of them will probably change, the best i'd hope for is that the friend does get bored with trashing yot out and finds something else to do. You'll never win by telling your girlfriend that her friend is idiotic. It doesn't work that way. Keep yr mouth shut, but make it clear you dislike the behaviour. *shrug*

and yes i've been with someone who's friends i disliked. Mostly because his friends were also 'multitasking pussay', or openly knew about what was going on.. Which made of uncomfortable around them and dislike them, based on their character.

but.. Jeez, everyone has stupid friends. You aren't dating the friends.. So, it shouldn't matter, too much.

listen to knox and nefeli,also maybe pull a suchfriends and get some gangster friends that she will hate

but you sound like you're going to have her tied up in the basement in no time man, the idea of her friend being in her life longer than you had,seems pretty much spot on. honestly any girl who would ditch her best fucking friend for some dude she's been with "more than a month" doesn't seem trustworthy to me, you keep bringing up this stuff about how considerate you are and everything, i get the feeling you feel like you can't be wrong but the thing is....

girlfriend=right, you=not

yeah i put up with friends for a lifetime even when they are cunting about and i would never consider getting rid of them, who does that? unless they do something really awful, which in my case equals driving you to a festival than leaving with the boyfriend and leaving your friends behind to get rides with potential rapists.

i bet you piss them off sometimes and they don't cut you off? i mean wouldn't you be mad if somebody's boyfriend was like "yeah that knox is really horrible you should hang out with people you talk to on the net instead"

Eh? We've been going out nearly a year! And throughout the year, this friend has barely seen her or spoke to her and the only things happening between them is dramatic shit.

you never mentioned, the amount of time, not that it's relevant

and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever

that's what i saw you write,but again,not relevant. it sounds like she's made it clear she's not willing to stop spending time with this girl, the only thing you can really do is tell her what you think about the situation, if you push the issue too far you're being controlling

aw man, i've been in that position. the bitchy friend of the girlfriend position. feeling some seeeerious retroactive guilt now. thanks syg!

I said somewhere it was a year I'm positive. And I said that because this is the first relationship we've both been in that's lasted more than a month, I didn't mean we had only been together a month! In fact, her friend and I were on good terms when we started going out and the friend just slowly turned.

But yeah like I said, I'll just need to keep my mouth shut for the time being.

First off the other girl is scared shit that she's going to loose her best friend to another person - YOU. So she tries to manipulate your girlfriend probably by putting your girlfriend in state of guilt. If you're really in a strong relationship why worry about a jealous bitch. Why let her rob you of your serenity. Be a man and let it go, start scratching your nuts, switching the channel to sports, call for a pizza, have a beer. Your gf will love you all the more for it. Stop cryin like a Bitch. As for the money thing, I have no problems with you gf forgiving her friend. If it's a true friendship then it can survive something like lost money (within reason) and not end.

Very sensible reply.
Once you laid the cards on the table, just concentrate on where you and your girlfriend are heading to. If it's something that is strong enough to allow you to trust her judgement when it comes to make a clear distinction between what you share with her and her long term friendships, then this intrusion shouldn't feel like too much of a burden. If you don't like your girlfriend's best friend for whatever reason you listed on this thread, it still shouldn't be your duty to advice her to dump her or find herself better people to hang with. In short, step back and consider their history as mates, but place the wedge firmly and in a civil manner when it puts unneccessary stress on the daily relationship with your girl.

they do, they have. my best friend had that problem with his ex boyfriend. the man hated me more than anything, but we never stopped seeing each other.