i'm a bit worried...advice much appreciated
 

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."

i've been wounded in the stones:(

Go to the doctor.

doctor or priest? i dont wanna burn in eternal damnation just because of a bit of innocent cbt

Crumb's Crunchy Delights is the best member of this board.

What's cbt?

Sounds like his member isn't the best any more.

the way he talks might be " cock and balls torture"!!!...he got the devil inside!!!

tell me now, was she clothed? she was, wasn't she?

sickening pre-verts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e79fWbAXrgM

Put your trust in an average piece of rock music

Wha' happent? Bible quotes or whatever are too abstract for me right now.

so you chipped your stones eh, well get down to the doctors if after a little while it doesnt go away.

Oh no, my neutered cat is going to go to cat hell. :(

no.. that is to enter into the Tabernacle or Solomon/Jerrubibal/Herod's Temple. In Moses' time, women who were menstruous or men who had there testicles smashed, removed, or otherwise severely injured, were no permitted to step into the tent/temple, they simply had to pray outside. Today in the Ethiopian Orthodox Church, this same Mosaic ritualistic purity is actively practiced, and menstruous women DO NOT enter into Ethiopian churches, rather they stand outside and pray with all the other folks who got there late (they close the doors after the services starts, if your late you also pray outside)

It has nothing to do with Heaven, Hell, Sin, etc etc
This is one of those rare circumstances where the Bible should be taken ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY within the context of the text.

Cbt = cognitive-behavioural therapy

they oughta say when they're being literal and when they're being unliteral

is there a version of the BIBLE that tells ya this stuff????

"if anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death."

literally or unliterally?

hows a GOD fearer to know fr crissakes


(cbt always cf)

Why do you not just calm down and stop being a twat? How about that?

well brother.. this is why originally the Church didn't let you read the thing yourself, nor did they translate it into any languages that a common person (if they were able) could read in the first place.. Luther and Calvin's mistake was giving the book out to everyone, cuz now instead of a few legitimate interpretations, we literally have a billion individual misinterpretations ;)



the problem with the Bible is that it should be left to the experts..

problem is who decides who the experts are;)

hope its not me they choose. darn thing makes no sense

i guess ill just have to trust in the LORD and leave the literalising to you and the others

well its simple.. if you want to learn Calculus, do you got to a person who studies all the formulas, has excuse the pun, done all the math, or do you go a sociologist?

um...not sure...whats a sociologist

"if anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death."

is this literalising or not:confused:

We are getting off the subject here....seriously, what happened to your balls or whatever?

this is one of those figurative moments (hence the need for experts)

plus, the entire point such a menacing statement, is not to put a bunch of bad ass kids to death, rather that a bunch of kids be a bit fearful to challenge their parents.. Remember that in Moses' law, there was a specific section discussing what to do to abrogate the punishments.. The legalist (literal) way to interpret that specific scripture is to add an asterisk pointing to the section of the Law which dealt with such abrogations..

Perhaps it would be best translated as, "If anyone cause his father or mother, he must be put to death* (** if said person cannot afford to pay the abrogation fees of ritual sacrifice for atonement as prescribed in section.. subsection.. etc etc)

Remember, that section of the Bible is LAW, and so it is written in legalise..

now i dont mean to cause you no offense sir but (as some youths would say) your just making this sh*t up (*i)

I've heard that one can rent out their stoma-port in prison.

nmspnm

figured it out

GOD is a douche = figurative

You'd think that being able to read the damn thing people would see it for what it is, i.e. a load of codswallop

"Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."

GOD would probably kill you for this

God probably doesn't even know I exist, that is if He exists. Anyway, I'm in favour of defiling.

maybe suchfriendsofgodarelonely can put in a good word for you (just in case)

God doesn't know suchfriends exists either, and even if He did and suchfriends was somehow able to gain an audience with Him, I very much doubt that Suchfriends would be able to communicate with Him in any way, and vice versa.

EVERYBODY has an audience with GOD. have you heard of a little thing called prayer

i just thought suchfriendsofgodaredeluded would have a special code or something to get preferential treatment cos he works harder at his rligion than we do

God is just some giant magic brain with tentacles that flies around the universe and pays no attention to anything it's created.

I like that one. It's so true. Sorry about your ailments.



The bible is hard to understand. As suchfriends has previously pointed out, some things are to be taken lterally and there are some that are more figuratively speaking. I am sure I don't know the answers to everything, that is one of the reasons I believe. I just read it and try to make the most sense of it that I can. Above all I have faith that one day I will understand more. I have faith that he exists. I have faith that he loves EVERYONE, despite what they or anyone else think of themselves. I have faith that he wants EVERYONE to be with him in the end where there is no suffering. Then I do the best I can to make it by each day in this world.

My favorite quote: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it, You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

I like it when Gawd puts one of his tentacles into a hot Japanese woman.

none taken. Believe me, if I only I had made all that shit up, then perhaps millions and millions of people under Moses' spell might not be so confused and divisive..


Correction: It is only approximately 10% codswallop.. the rest is wonderful poetry, music and history. It is the whole "God said.." this and "Thou Shalt Not" that parts that are more codswallop if taken too seriously ;)



Yr rather impressive with your scripture quoting, what kind of roll are you on with this thread?



That had me laughing harder than any thread thus far in 2010!

aside from quite a few Orthodox litanies and liturgical incantations, my favorite prayer is from the good Doctor (of Journalism)
"Shit..You better take care of me Lord, because if you don't .. You're gonna have me on your hands.."





I see you follow the religion of Thomas Jefferson





["How many tenticles doth emanate from Our Good Lord?" (shouting ensues) "Seven" "Three" "Twelve"..]

God has more tentacles than that dood.

probably has like 40 or somethin'

i hurt my stones and remembered reading about not being let into GOD'S kingdom if i had damaged testimonials

i then started to reread my BIBLE and noticed crazy sh*t within

Exodus 31:17 "...on the seventh day he abstained from work and rested."

isaiah 40:28 "The LORD is the everlasting God the Creator of the ends of the earth. he will not grow tired or weary."

etc

i need me some BIBLE studying (excuses) for sure