Advice Dog's Advice Thread
 

HEY THERE, STRANGER!
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME ADVICE!

well don't be scared. ask me, advice dog, for advice.

hahaha

Advice Dog sir.... where should i stash the bodies?

That is not a question, atsonicpark!


Leave no trace of the crime, leakyheadboy! It doesn't matter where you stash the bodies- somebody is going to find them! In a week, a month, a year, or a millenium! You know all those tasty dinosaur bones archaeologists are digging up? Those are totally dinosaur murder victims! And somebody found them alright. And now everybody knows.

Have you seen Fargo? I was just watching it. The blonde bad guy in that movie puts his victims bodies through a wood chipping machine, leaving only a red stain on the floor nearby. NO TRACE OF BODIES! Frances McDormand shoots him though, don't let that happen. Do everything he does except that.

Hey Advice Dog

What's the best way to get together with someone that you "know" over the internet? Should one go for the romantic route (meals, poetry readings, gentle cuddles), or just get down with some rough sex in a dodgy hotel?

Yours expectantly

MellySingsDoom

Dear Advice Dog,

The last time I took advice from a disembodied dog's head, people got hurt.

How do I tell if you really are Satan's handmaiden and not just some figment of my imagination?

I realize that my faith demands I do yr bidding, but I'd like to make sure yr not just a side-effect from all the medication.

Yrs Truly,


Floatingslowly Fallingfaster



ps: ooh gawd it's happening agaainnnnggnnngn

Advice Dog,
I've been watching an item on ebay for 5 days. No one had bid, so I was hoping to bid and purchase the item with minimal frustration. To my horror, I awake this morning to find that someone has placed a bid on this item. Now it looks as though I'll be drawn into a gritty last-second bid-off with this scum in which I'll either end up paying more than I wanted to or losing outright. If I lose said item, should I hunt this person down as the rat bastard that he is?
Regards
Pissed-off ebayer #1,237,428,989

Dear advice dog
it's too hot
what can i do?

I've been there, buddy! At this point there really isn't much you can do, though, you've had your chance.

Invest in an electric fan, an air conditioning system, or take off your clothes! Also, pour yourself a cool drink. You've earned it, chief.



As much as the public are willing to pay for it! I'd start the bidding at $20.



Tie me up, throw me in a pond, and see if I float!

money is too skint for what you mentioned
i've already had 6 gallons of soda and water today
fuck
this hotness fires my braincells
thanx for the support advicedog

Dear advice dog,

Is it too late to love again?

Thankyou - I love you Advice Dog!!!

i take it Advice dog is NOT someone new to this board.
i think Advice Dog is Sonicl revisited

I checked out your profile, and it tells me you are only 19! Dude, I am 3 and I've had like 5 girlfriends already! And I loved them, you bet! You have plenty of time left in your human years to find a sexy dame or duke to fall in love with.

Oh and I love you too, man! SEE? IT'S SO EASY!

Dear Advice Dog

Why haven't you asked my question yet?

Yours, beginning to get impatient

Melly

Whos going to get roughly sexed in a hotel Melly? someone from this board?

Melly that's only because the Advice dog doesn' ask questions, it answers questions.
He's too busy smelling the girlies'asses also

Apologies, MellySingsDoom!

I reccomend that you go for the romantic option. Meeting internet people IRL is spooky, so you'd need time to get to be comfortable with eachother. Plus, romance is a lot nicer and awesome than depraved hotel sex.

witch burnin' is my spesh-e-ality. :)

blessed be, ye wormy cur?

Why thank you Advice Dog, most kind. May you path be crossed with many tins of Chum Supermeat.

Yours eternally grateful

Melly.

Which record shall I buy Advice Dog?:

The Contortions - Buy 1979

Or

Giant Panda - Electric Laser 2008

I can buy only one. Marry me advice dog!!!

Man get the contortions. pretend I'm the advice dog's bitch and take my advice.

Could be, This Is Not Here :cool: ;)

we're going to have to start a thread to try and guess who is gonna DO Melly...
not me
i'm in France just right now

... or who Melly is going to DO
depends on a number of mmm factors

....or Bleeurgh! factors :D

oh god, lock up your sons everyone! :confused:

Ha ha ha!!!

Dear Talking Dog's Head,

Girlgun told me that she thought I did something "not nice" to her butt last night. I swear it wasn't me.

Who should I blame?

Fevererishly Hallucinating,

YrPalFloSlo

are you pookie's dog?

The Contortions record!



Tell her "baby, it was aaaaaaaalllllllll a dream", like, in Huggy Bear's voice or something.



No, Pookie doesn't like me!

Dear advice dog,
Will the rash ever go away? If so, when? If not, should I see a doctor?
Yours,
terriblecanyons

Give it a week! Apply aloe vera cream! If after a week the condition is the same, or has worsened, consult your doctor! Remember, friends, Advice Dog is not a medical expert.

Dear advice dog,

What is a decorous amount of time before I start getting annoyed with the loudmouthed temp?

Yours,

Gliceooooo.

Dear Advice Dog,

How should I go about handling this westernquinoxrocks troll in the future?

Your faithful reader,
pbradley

Loudmouths should not be tolerated! They do no good, in my opinion. You should put this arrogant tool in their place as soon as possible! Turn that loudmouth temp into a shy, obedient temp.



Some things cannot be ignored, friend. Your past actions were all understandable, and rest assured that you have my full support in your opposition to this menace. If possible, do as Glice is to do with his loudmouth temp. Put these annoyances in their place!

Thanks advice dog! Could you post more pictures of you dressed as a pirate please?

Dear Advice Dog,

1/what do you think about the communnity troubles in Belgium ? Do you think this country should split in two ?

2/ What do you think about the Olympic Games in China ? Is it not dangerous for our athletes to go in this fucking dictatorial country ? What do you think about censorship ?


Yeah, those questions sound serious, but I know you 're a smart dog.

These are pressing issues, HECKLER SPRAY!

1. I think the rising Flemish population and increasing advocacy for the independence of Flanders by political groups can only lead one way! If the government tries to suppress these people, then they'll want it even more and turn to more radical ways of achieving their goals. There are examples of this throughout history. If you ask me (which you are), countries with such deep-rooted differences as language cannot function effectively. A split is definitely the best option here. Are you listening, Yves Leterme?!

2. Man, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Fuck China! In China they eat dogs! Soooo not cool. I don't think the world is doing any good sending their healthy athletes to the smog-ridden kingdom of red. The government there is probably one of the worst on earth right now! They take the truth from their citizens and that is the worst you could do. What are men to do without truth?!



Sorry man, I don't have any more pictures.

advice dog, why were you compelled to make this thread? is it because your mother never fed you?