a second plague of locusts
 

today a plant in our house gave birth to a hundred baby grasshoppers.

I've had this happen once before (while living with a girl who was deathly afraid of...get this....grasshoppers), but I never thought it'd happen again.

it's like a majick trick. one minute, nothing. the next, an assplosion of grasshoppers.

today on the way home from work, girlgun called me freaking out.

thankfully, she's only afraid of spiders because there were a fuck-ton of baby bugs in the kitchen window!

words don't describe just how many fucking bugs can come out of a very small plant.

MORAL OF THIS LONG ASS BLOG: don't bring outdoor plants in, and never consort with demons.

But seriously that sucks.

oh, I think it's a riot!!

You could just buy a snake and allow it to roam freely. Not only would it eat the grasshoppers, but you'd feel like you were living in Eden.

they're too small and I'm not in the bug farmin' business. although, if I were, they'd be some damn fine bugs.

i once steped a spider and it assploded thousands of tiny spiders.

that's a touching story. did they bite and sting yr nutsack?

I attend to a young spider that lives in the ceiling of my room. When the time comes and reproduction is on the cards, I will welcome the offspring like they were my own.

I like grasshoppers. They're so cute

that's some grade-a creepy stuff right there, porks.

will you let them ride on yr back or will you put them in yr kangaroo pouch once they hatch??

OK, so plant = locust plague, bubblegum = spider swarm.

I think maybe you should give girlgun some bubblegum. You know, for entertainment.

I'm not really keen on a messy divorce, but, uh, what the fuck does bubblegum have to do with anything?

I read and re-read the thread yet still can't find the piece I'm missing. and by piece, I mean, piece of bubblegum.

You didn't grow up with the "spider eggs in BubbleYum" urban legend?

What are you, some kind of foreigner?

why? you got a problem with foreigners??

No, but I do rely on you to get my goddamned pop culture references because I am nowhere near as funny without them.
Now get on it, for god's sake. I grew up in two places in this country, thousands of miles apart, and heard the bug-eggs-in-the-gum rumor in both areas.

I'll spread them on toast.

I have no idea what either of you foreigners are talking about.

for the last fucking time, I don't speak pygmy.

we have that sort of rumors here too and i actually know someone that once ate ant eggs.

^^^ I like that, but where's the bugs??!

Your house.

no, those bugs have been exterminated.

I have to say, I felt a little sorry for the jumpy lil' bastards.

a few minutes into life and they were already drowning in windex.

you'll be really sorry once you get hit by another snow storm. there are times when a house full of bugs can save your life.



How to Eat Grasshoppers for Survival

By survivorman

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Have you ever eaten a grasshopper? Well, believe it or not they can save your life in a survival situation or just for fun. Grasshoppers can be found all over in North America and other countries as well. Please read on, this may save your life!


Instructions
Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Things You’ll Need:

* Grasshoppers
* Stick or Wire
* Fire-starter

Step 1:
Begin by collecting lots of grasshoppers. You will need a good amount of them to satisfy your needs.

Step 2:
Grasp the thorax of the grasshopper and slowly and gently pull the head. Doing this will not only remove the head but also remove the guts and stomach.

Step 3:
Take the stick/wire and use it to remove more of the guts inside of the grasshopper. Stick it in the head socket and start scraping away. Believe me the grasshopper will taste much better.

Step 4:
Start a fire. Stick the stick/wire through where the head socket was. You are simply making a grasshopper cabob! Next, place the stick/wire in the ground close to the fire and let the grasshoppers cook very well.


Tips & Warnings

* If you have something to boil water in then that can help you. After your grasshoppers are cooked, place them in the boiling water for about three minutes. This will diminish more of the taste. But, this has consequences too. It takes away more of the nutrients that they have.
* Make sure to cook your grass hoppers VERY WELL! I say this because if you don't cook well enough you can get TAPE WORMS!!!!

pfft. i learned on macgyver how to cook paper clips.

yes. water grasshoppers, known as shrimps.

shrimps! eeeeww!
if i ever reincarnate i hope it's not going to be as an arctic cod because they have to eat shrimps each and every day.

4John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey

my luck never ceases to amaze me.