How cool, calm, and collected are you?
 

In the face of adversity and stress. Imagine or remember your worst situation and how you would or did deal with it. How cool are you? On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being coolest. If you are cool, what are your strategies or thoughts for keeping cool.

I'd like to think I am very cool, maybe an 8. But I only think this until something happens beyond my control and I feel helpless, and then I find myself losing it. Seriously. Becoming plain freaked-out sometimes.

Though I have to say I've had seriously challenging moments where I've also been very cool.

Ultimately I'd like to be more consistent about this, I guess. Consistently cool. Sounds like a reasonable goal, no?

Anyway, thoughts, bullshit?

I am usually calm when dealing with gross people. When they yell at me, I just laugh inside.

i'm at a 7 (+ or - 2) during the incident. 1 when i'm done and by myself.

Erm. Hot headed and high strung. I give myself a solid 4.

Depends what it is. Sometimes I freak out pretty hard, especially if it's some kind of plumbing emergency that requires immediate attention and causes immediate damage or something like that.
Other things are simply "so big" that I can go into a mode where I know I have to proceed with a certain set of steps to resolve the situation.
I'm not super-collected all the time, that's for sure.

Okay. Yeah, I can deal with "challenging" people well enough. It usually comes down to looking better because you stay calmer than they do.

But what about situations, circumstances, bad things, the theft of your novel in progress, the bank that screws you over, the boss who "lets you go." How do you deal with the bad stuff that comes up out of the blue and knocks you over?

I talk to my therapist.

I have to say I was better when I had a daily routine of Zen sitting practice. That hour of sitting and staring at a blank wall first thing in the morning does something to settle your nerves. It's like a sedative that lingers through the day.

I know more exercise would help. Or so they say.

I think people who have therapists are very fortunate.

Are you being sarcastic?

The only stuff that really gets under my skin is when something breaks and I don't know to fix it or can't afford the expenditure.

No, I'm serious. You have a confidante of sorts, and one who can recommend how to deal and so on.

The Rapist

Well my insurance pays for it. I am lucky I have insurance.

Yeah, I can see that. I get most pissed if that's the case with prized possessions--stereo, guitar, and the like.

I think I stay calm about the everyday irritants, like traffick, long lines, smelly people in elevators, office politics. What I don't deal well with yet are bureaucratic snafus--I hate the helpless feeling and my reaction is to get angry, to rage, and the worst thing is there's nothing to really rage at, no direct target. Just them "out there." It's times like that when I wonder if I shouldn't be on some kind of meds. I hate the feeling of being out-of-control angry at those big problems. I wish I were more able to accept whatever happens and just deal with it or even just ignore it--which I almost think would be healthier.

I'll pretend to be calm and then all of a sudden...

I know what you mean. Until I fix something I fret and fret and fret about it.

Does anybody have a role model for somebody who's cool like you'd like to be?

I used to admire certain Buddhist monks, and I still do. But I think I need more of a real-life model. Maybe even a fictional model.

I'd say an 8 or 9. My mom always says I should be a therapist or something because I'm able to get people to calm down/quit freaking out so that we can figure out what the hell we're going to do in a certain situation. I'm the one in my family that's always like, "All right, everybody just chill the fuck out out and quit screaming."

Ha ha. Somehow hearing somebody say "chill the fuck out" wouldn't sound all that calming to me. The "fuck" in that context is always a stress indicator to me. But if it works.

It all depends on who I'm talking to. If it's my dad, it's usually something like, "Dad! Calm down.....seriously. Jesus."

I'm trying to develop a better sense of humor about the bad things, too. But it's tough.

In a really bad situation I am very calm and collected and I concentrate at doing whatever I can to help or do something productive. The worst situations I've been would haveto be during the end of the war in Croatia, just like the actual possibility of being killed during an attack. Other situations would be when my sister was sick in a life-threatening way and needed to be taken care of.

But I think I stress too much about small things, just everyday things like work etc. Sometimes I think I stress cause there are too many variables and stuff. I also stress about my safety but that's cause someone tried to attack me once so that is actually based on something.

Wow. Yeah, war's probably about the worst situation there could be to be in.

Yeah war was incredibly frightening, I still remember one particular night having this constant weird cold and trembling feeling as I heard bombing from all around and my apartment building shaking, and listening to the radio to hear what was happening and they had these spooky sounding nationalistic songs on. I remember that at one point I felt like the walls were going to fall in around me, it was the only point that I've ever actually said to myself "OK, I might actually die tonight"

haha me too! with certain things I'm a bit too laid back, especially losing money, I can't cope with the stress of having to argue and chase it and tend to give up easily, which is a bad way to be.

that's terrible, I can't imagine how frightening that would be.

It depends. I'm generally a calm/cool person, as in being able to handle situations and act rational. But then there would be certain things that have the potential to distroy me, as we all do, no matter how calm and cool we are, I guess.

It's weird because I'm a quiet person generally but I have a very bad temper, never towards people though, unless they push me.

[/html]
yeah it's pretty bad, and it's something that almost all people living in Croatia in the 90s would have experienced, unless they escaped to another country right at the beginning of the war and didnt come back for years. Something that did surprise me was how mature and intelligent the young people that lived through this war were, one of the examples is this great band from my hometown who actually played during the war in small basement gigs (I went to them myself) and are still going strong, they have actually become one of the most respected punk bands in Croatia, here's a video of theirs that I found for a song called River of Bodies, it's not their best song but I thought the subject matter was appropriate for this topic, check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfBMKnsgV2w

ridiculously unpredictable. I can be a 3 or a 9. : / And not even I know what it'll be until I'm in the midst of it. When its other people I'm a lot better and usually the calmest. When its me I'm a bucket of tears.

but then... I'm more likely to over react when its other people.. and under react when its me. Ie I've just been injured "Im fine really its fine Im okay" or someome else has "call the hospital!" If that makes sense? My fight or flight is fucked up.

I aim for monk-like calm. I would be a happy man, then.

i'm not "cool" at all. my fight or flight response is triggered very quickly. i'm wired that way.




in serious emergencies i'm a fucking champ though. i'm like the guy who runs into the burning building. takes lots of fucking adrenaline but i've done shit like that. when it's over i curse like a motherfucker and then go to sleep.

the reason you stress so much--you might have PTSD.

i'm pretty pationate in what i believe but i'm not intolerant (hard to believe outside the intrawebz, huh?); but i really have this "who gives a shit?" voice when i start getting worked up over nothing.

in times of like crisis, i take control, keep calm and shit, but if someone gives me shit while a crisis, i go berzerk.

in Kina's boat here

after a recent death and a potential house fire years ago find myself very capable in real life situations when all other things falls to the side and you realize what really matters

then the small things come up and I turn all Edina Monsoon and worry about if I'm wearing this season, and in reflection realize how life is in real perspective

i don't really get angry that often, honestly. i have a weird ability to just say "fuck it" to anything and move on.