In a perfect world
 

I want this thread to go away now.

sorry about your asshole dad.

in a perfect world, he wouldn't be an asshole.

I would also be "happy, get married, and have children"

God. I don't even know how to react to what he said.

pissed off, of course. what other way there is? he's basically telling you that you're not ok, and that he doesn't accept you as you are.

well maybe i could sugarcoat that shit, but no, because in your gut you know that's what he was saying. now you just need to align your conscience to that truth.

if you were a little baby i'd say you're doomed. since they've kept you slightly infantilized i'll say you're in hot water. you depend on the people who reject you.

the only solution is to beat some sense into the old man. ha ha ha. but seriously. if he wants to alienate you and cause you all manner of emotional problems, he's doing exactly what he needs to do.

i am not sure however he's mature enough to accept that which challenges the fantasies of perfection under which he covers his shame. (wow, that's deep). in other words, watch bill & ted, same story there. in other words, your father is not mature enough to provide a healthy father figure for you at this point. he's got issues of his own.

think of a mentor? you know, a successful queer who can teach you that you're alright and how to be a gay grownup. but your dad, he's out of his depth i'm afraid. so yeah, the other solution is to grow more independent of your family and find a new psychological "home". a healthy one, of course.

yr dad knows who rufus wainwright is? damn... my dad listens to barry manilow & olivia newton john.

I am pissed off, but there is more that can't be articulated at the moment. It's always been there, but I guess that truth hasn't seemed that obvious before.
It is only because I listen to Wainwright.

That's pretty lame. I say tell him how it is. How it pisses you off etc. He should get over being disappointed about it and start to just fucking accept it. Like !@#$%! said, if things don't work out you should just try to move on from it. He obviously won't change his mind, and it's his loss.

oh, ok. still pretty funny though. although one time i was on a trip w/ my dad & he was drunk and he was totally digging interpol's antics album. that was fucking sureal.

I did. I told him I wouldn't want to change.

But he just keeps trying to explain himself until I agree with him or something.

He says he accepts it, but I don't know. He obviously would be happier if things were different. Is that accepting? Not to me.

well man the struggle to be accepted by the father figure is a mythical one.

fathers want male sons to perpetuate themselves, any deviation from the norm is met with disapproval. it's not just a matter of sexual preference though-- think of artistic kids of sports-crazy fathers, untalented kids of overachievers, right wing children of hippie parents, etc, etc.

few fathers are mature enough to let their kids be and accept them and support them as they are. it's either neglect (irresponsible parents) or control (neurotic parents). you got #2.

now that they can't make you in their own (idealized) image, yes, you are going to 'disappoint" them. just like you would if you got a B in your report card.

with matters of sexual orientation things get even more hairy, because our conceptions of gender are very narrow and limited due to the cultural poverty of our monotheistic religions.

where things get fucked up (your case) is when parents try to compensate for their own perceived deficiencies by breeding "superchildren". in other words, you're carrying the burden of your dad's insecurities and unconscious fears, and that's why you're the golden boy, the overachiever, the straight A student. as long as you do that, it's a sign that they are "ok"., everything works. mess up and oops! the monster is out of the box, your parents shame (not your responsibility) takes over them and they become crazy.

the way i reacted against that shit was by turning into a slacker by design. i somehow perceived the 'trap" behind grades/approval and decided to shirk my duties and throw it all to fuck. but that's a long story i'm not ready to share on the interwebs. nor do i suggest you do the same. each has their own path.

go ahead and please read alice miller's classic, "the drama of the gifted child". oh i know it's a horrible title, but excellent stuff regarding the need of children to please their parents (pleasing the parents = survival), and how smart kids are particularly sensitive to that, and deform themselves, even lose themselves in the process.

but anyway,get ready because it's going to be a war. you're at an age when you're trying to become yourself, and what you are to become doesn't please the bosses. be happy though, because it will be a good and productive and necessary war. you can't be the golden boy forever without becoming a robot. the war for your own identity/independence/etc. i going to make you a person, so that's the good news.

anyway, im ranting. i have a headache and i need sleep. but don't worry, you're smart, you'll manage, provided you are committed to see the truth and not tell yourself lies.

I don't want their acceptance anymore. I want out.

Unfortunately, my ticket out is my fucking grades.

well that's ok. you might make peace when you're 50 or maybe never or maybe a lot sooner than that. who knows? but what's important is how you value yourself, regardless of other people's opinions.

and yeah, stick to your good grades, and find some mentors, as i was saying. you don't need to hang around with people who want to tell you that you're not ok. sad but true. let them buy a dog or something.

but i have to say though (this in the back of my mind), if your dad had any idea of what he's doing to you, he might not do that. if he knows but he can't help himself, he's got issues of his own to deal with. if he doesn't know, however, you might want to let him know. he might say yes and do a dance and still condemn you, though. but if you think it's worth a try, you should tell him.

discussing these sort of "explosive" issues however is so very tricky. i for example go apeshit easily. but it's always worth a try.

anyway i need to sleep. best wishes man.

GOod night. Thanks.

in a perfect world, i'd be sleeping with Scarlett Johansson

also, just give your dad two fingers

although I don't think my son will be gay (opposed to his cousin who will obviously come out lesbian in a few years), it wouldn't make me feel any different about him.

that said, I hope he doesn't "turn out to be" gay.

not because of any kind of prejudice on my part, but it doesn't appear to be an "easy" lifestyle to live.




sweet three-eyed jeezuz, I agree with (s)way.

that sucks, but you have to see where he is coming from man. at least he still TALKS to you dude! so many of my gay friends have been completely ostracized by their parents or family. Your dad sounds like he is trying to come to grips with it all. give him time.

and if he acts up tell him you got your "gay genes" from him.

i don't know where you live, or what treatment you're used to receiving, but alex's dad is not some uneducated yahoo dinosaur. he's "young" enough to play video games. he should know better. what he said is wrong, and insulting, and not the way to talk to your kid.

i'm willing to modify my statement to say "in a perfect world your dad wouldn't have acted like an asshole" because the truth is, it was an act of assholity, but he seems to be cool in other ways, so one can separate the action from the "being". so yeah he's not an asshole but he acted like one.
end of story.

the fact that there are some cavern yahoos out there who abuse their children doesn't make it any better. this is an extreme comparison, but it's like saying to a victim of abuse "hey, at least he didn't kill ya".

to make excuses for this kind of behavior and twist your mind until you find this treatment "acceptable" is psychologically unhealthy.

in a perfect world, I wish that I had been born right-handed.

left-handed people have to deal with all kinds of shit that you "norms" don't.


!@#!$%!@: just because the guy might not understand gay people so well, and might not be acting appropriate to Alex's feelings, doesn't make him a uneducated yahoo. ignorance does not always spawn from lack of intelligence.

I think it really says a lot that he's trying to talk to his son about it (although he might not know how). too many gay people I've known get completely disowned. he should count his blessings.

PS: leave video games out of this ya' nazi.

Aw, relax.
All that means is that you've got Satan's stamp of approval.
You can get all kinds of street cred with that shit.

im not saying alex's dad is a yahoo (he is not), im saying sway's example, who is his "standard", is a cavern yahoo from macon ga, and shouldnt be compared to alex's dad.

yes i know, i know nobody reads in the internet, me included :(

gtg, talk later.

I read yr post, I just didn't read (all of) swa(y)s. :(



she loves me yeah yeah yeah.

In a perfect world I wouldn't be drinking right now.

I think you need to chill out.. Your dad obviously is taken back by the fact that you're gay and is asking you questions because he is curious and it's different to him. You should be thankful your dad didn't disown you because thats unfortunately what happens to many people.

And 100% honesty right here: I wish my son won't be gay as well. I totally accept homosexuality but I would be scared of my son being ridiculed, picked on, etc. But if he is, I will support,protect, and accept him all the way.
So maybe your dad is going through that as well. All I know is that you need to chill, give your father time, and quit the teen agnst highschool drama because there are gonna be things worse then this down the road.

in a perfect world this high wouldnt wear off soon

I could never get to him, he seems like a bore.

Anyways, just give it time. I haven't told my family for the same reasons. They butt in way too much into my personal life as it is, and I don't need more of it. I will tell them eventually, maybe when my bro comes, but I am coming to peace that my personal life is mine not theirs. I think this is what is making you uncomfortable, because you want your own privacy. But you are almost out so hang in there.

I want this thread to go away now.

I shouldn't have started it.

fuck you and yr agreeable posts! :mad:

I only asked him because I thought he'd shut the fuck up and leave me alone. He kept bothering me, and I made it clear I wanted him to leave, but he wouldn't.I shouldn't be posting all my personal shitty stupid drama on line. This will be the last time, I swear.

yeah but 100% honest, if your son IS gay and you are scared for him then you need to man up and give him your support, because he's going to need it.

his dad basically said "in an ideal world, you would be a different person", and in doing that, he rejected his son. maybe he doesn't realize this, maybe that wasn't his intention, but that was the meaning of his words. and maybe he'll realize down the line the impact of what he said and make up for it.

in the meantime, i think it's only human to react emotionally to such a fundamental rejection by the people who are supposed to love you and take care of you. don't belittle his "teen angst", it's what he has to deal with right now, and it's stupid to suggest otherwise. he'll have to work things out with his dad as a part of growing up and becoming who he is. this is not some bullshit problem.


sorry for my part in this man. yes it's kinda risky to discuss personal matters with an anonymous interweb audience. but if you have to post this shit online maybe you don't have anybody else to talk about it, and the thing is, you need to have someone to talk about it with. competent friends, a support group, a counselor, whatever.

rather than beat yourself up for your temporary indiscretion, consider it a sign that you need to make some changes-- i.e. find some support for the issues you're struggling with. silence=death, etc. in any case, embarrassments aside, i hope venting did you some good (bottled up emotions are toxic), and that some of what you read here was somehow useful.

Hey man, does posting on here help you? If so then don't feel bad about posting this stuff. I have a love/hate relationship with this forum but there is one hting I can say and that is that the majority of people on here are mature and damned cool people. There are people who are willing to talk about things on here and help out.

*sniff* sorry if that reads as corny as it does on here.

Did you read the next sentence?

the more gay men the more straight ladies there are to go around!;)

Don't worry rob, one of these days i will come out as straight. I am awaiting for a vaccine to do that.

hands up, who else has a disappointing man for a father.

I DO!

Really?

Parents piss me off sometimes but I love them *sappy*

Sorry I can't participate, my father is my hero. He quit drinking because he did not want us to grow up in that environment. He was also the only one that gave me the love of reading. Sorry my father rules.

i wouldnt of just knockd my bottle of beer onto the laptop
i think everything is ok though. i acted quick and nobody seen

edit: ok so i just heard a sizzling sort of sound..uh oh.

yo.

mine is a constant disappointment. I can live with that though.

It's a "I really don't like him, but i love him" situation.