Town characters
 

My town has a few characters of note:

The Rat:
Vietnam Vet homeless alcoholic. Known for his disheveled appearance, he used to live under the bridge, but he left because kids kept bothering him to buy them alcohol. He can be seen riding a bicycle through town.

Jason:
A younger homeless alcoholic. He was my neighbor's ex-bf. He camps out in a tent and has been to jail twice, once for camping on private property, and the 2nd time for not doing something important that he was supposed to do. He was brain damaged after being beat up by some hick in a bar, and speaks in a mexican accent when he gets drunk. He comes to establishments making weird jokes (his favorite is "Q: what kind of wood doesn't float? A: Natalie), as well as telling you that he speaks the truth, and proclaiming that he can contact people with his mind via dreams- but says he won't share his secret of how.

The Walking Man:
This guy is normal. He walks down 8 miles down route 19 from zelie to cranberry, then comes back to zelie everyday. Or he did, he had a heart thing and went to the hospital, but resumed, but he could be unable to do it now.

Mr. Marburger:
Mr. Marburger is an older mentally handicapped insomniac. He has a dayjob, a wife that is also mentally handicapped, and children. He is known for wondering the streets of Zelienople late at night wearing a jumpsuit and picking up garbage. He actually gets paid by the local grocery store for keeping their parking lot clean, even though he did it on a voluntary basis beforehand.

crazy joyce: she is an elderly lady who lives right by the harbour in a house that is literally falling down. known for riding her bicycle through down and shouting unprovoked obscenities at passers by. also remembered for parading her late husband's corpse through the crowded high street one saturday afternoon in a wheelbarrow to the social security office, to prove that he was dead and that she didn't just fabricate the idea of his death for benefit purposes.

jimmy the sock: he is an elderly man who, for the last 30 years, has loitered in public places starting seemingly harmless small talk with young children, before asking them about their socks. questions include: "what colour/style/brand socks are you wearing?" "what is your favourite colour/style/brand of socks?" "where did you buy your socks?" "what socks does your favourite sports team wear in their strip?" "do you want to see my socks" and so on... he questioned my mother about her socks when she was about 10, and questioned me when i was also around that age...

Tony Beep-Beep: Young man, most likely mentally ill, who stands at traffic lights and asks people to honk/beep their horns for him.

Purple Aki: Notorious paedophile known only as purple aki, was recently fined because he keeps going up to people and asking to touch their muscles. He is BANNED from local towns Widnes and Warrington.

haha. this is so weird you talk about z town. i met mr. marburger once. weird dude indeed....

I've never talked to Mr. Marburger beyond saying "hi" in passing. I think he grunted in reply.

In the burgh near Pitt there is this guy:

 

I witnessed him do the "pee down the inseem" trick in public.

Man, the women seem to love you spectral. They even pose in pictures you're not even taking of them

Rollerblader guy - Seen all around Ottawa and Gatineau just...rollerblading. All day. He's always topless, has a waterbottle strapped to his back, about 50 years old, helmet, discman, and torn jeans. Sometimes you would be going out, see him rollerblading by place du portage, then by the time you're in ottawa, he has somehow managed to be downtown. I see him multiple times a week, he goes by the bus shelters a lot and everybody's seen him

Bicycle Ancient : an old white-bearded man with a cap on. He's not a drinker, has his schedule. I find him quite impressive for he hasn't fallen down that much (he is extremely organized, and his bike ain't a bad one). Always seems to mutely judge people.

There's a younger guy, in his early thirties, whose tan gets stronger and stronger. His face seems burned. He gets drunk. His silhouette has changed in the past months. His gait became unsteady, one of his shoulder looks as if weighing a ton for him to move on. A polite shy chap. Once daydreamed looking at my very old raincoat.

On a lighter note, there's a Singing Lady.
Blood rose to her face and stayed there feeling good on her ever smiling face. Her stout body seems to be composed of different big fleshy elements put on top of one another (tits and ass, parted by a round belly). She's extremely gay and sings out loud wherever she goes. You hear her before you see her. Mostly seen by the railway station.

There's another bloke at the station, sleeping there. A tall one-eyed man, whose back is in such bad state that he always bend forwards. Nicotine fingers, distorted voice, creepy.

There's also another guy, said to be a drug addict who would suck for money. Offers toothless smiles.

Cardiff has a few choice ones:

Mr Shakey Hands Man - He's a wobbly old man who will try and shake your hand and ask for change. Pictured here:


Toy Mic Trevor - Local busker who sings into one of those toy microphones. The name Toy Mic Trevor was coined by my friend Carl, or so he claims. I believe Toy Mic Trev has played gigs such is his popularity.



Then there is Ninjah who has actually put out a record (and has another waiting to be released). He can often be found in the town centre in an elaborate outfit, drumming on some bins or talking to himself. Has been claimed that he used to be a bit disturbed but is OK now and exaggerates it a bit to perpepuate his myth.




He has been called "the best dressed man in Cardiff" which I would probably concur with. My favourite Ninjah outfit was probably a red sequinned suit and a Claires Accessories basket on his head.

The World Famous Bushman, of course.

I didn't take the picture, I found this on a facebook group in worship of the guy.

Those chicks look pretty wigged out.

Hat lady
Constantly walks around on sidewalks with multiple backpacks while wearing a huge cat in the hat looking hat. Everyone knows who she is and I see hear sometimes several times during the week, but nobody knows her story

Bob the Retard:
Not something I named him, just one that stuck I guess. 60-something-year-old mentally handicapped, though not seriously, who got fired from Burger King for being too fascinated with the small children of customers. Now he goes bowling often, with the bumpers up of course, and attends church frequently. When it rains or snows, he asks either police officers or familiar looking people (he says knows faces, not names) for rides to wherever he lives, I don't know where. When he comes into the coffee shop where I work and I ask how he is today, he says he doesn't know but it's all my fault. He's a member of the Knight's of Columbus as well.

Piet the counter
Walks around the city counting everything he sees. House numbers, people at the market, tiles, seagulls, etc. Don't be surprised to find him in your house if you accidentally leave the front door open. I once bumped into him in my kitchen counting cutlery in one of the drawers. He's harmless, but I shat myself.

Moos
A wealthy entrepreneur who decided to step out of society. He spends most of the day on a bench near the station, smoking weed and staring at people while opening/closing his mouth like a goldfish. He looks like an Afghan freedom fighter.

Johanna
A transexual with an arsenal and a major chip on his/her shoulder. The house gets raided 3-4 times a year, but he/she still keeps stocking up weapons for WWIII. The house is nailed shut and the police have to watch out for booby traps when they raid the premises.
Noone wants to live next door to him. I wonder why?

leeds has 9p man, a heroin addict who would wander around very quickly asking everyone for 9p. not 10p or a pound but always that specific amount no matter what day you saw him.

in the town i am from there was a guy called warlord who would sit in doorways listening to video killed the radio star, drinking cider and shouting warlord at everyone who walked past.

in berlin there are many crazy people and far too many to mention. i like the crazy drunks around kotbusser tor u bahn.

i have seen many crazy people in towns and cities, probably the biggest concentration was in san francisco which seemed to have a high amount.

Ralph the bum...fucked in the head Vietnam Vet...allegedly pissed right in the middle of the local bowling alley, walked into a store I was working at a long time ago and asked what happened to the store that was in the same location about 20 years earlier...I heard he died in a fire when he was sleeping by a dumpster. :( R.I.P.

There's some guy who lives in St. Cloud MN who walks around everywhere wearing a Superman cape...don't know much about him. :(

The toothbrush lover - A guy who holds a toothbrush outside a train station, and cries and shouts at it like they have been a married couple.

Best thread on this forum in a while.

The Rider: This kid always rides around the park daily with his scooter. Sometimes he even comes every half hour. Guess he's just got nothing better to do then to drive his scooter around all day.

BTY: (pronounced Beety) Notorious for his binge drinking, He drinks an entire bottle of whiskey by himself and shotguns a few beers all in one night.

Pidgeonman: Old man who walks by daily. He got this name because we saw him carry a dead pidgeon around... Yeah it's weird.

Planet of the Apes & Bilal: Two junkie turcs who make up the craziest stories you've ever heard. Bilal claims that he posseses 'magical' powers and that he is able to cure wounds when he blows over them. Bilal once got stuck in an acid trip.

Planet of the Apes is also a turkish junkie and he got this name because he resembles to one of the apes in POTA. Notorious for snorting huge amounts of coke. He once sucked someone's penis to get his daily portion of cocaine.

There are many characters on the gay scene. My favourite has always been Mark, this guy who would throw parties in his house but noone has ever been allowed to switch the tv off, now on for 5 years. The previous one died during another party and it had been on constantly for about 8 years. He makes bread clocks and is rumoured to have been a Madame in a Paris brothel. For some reason that is apparently connected to his previous job, he never sleeps in his own bedroom but always on the couch in the front room.

shane o shea: twenty something year old shell suited chav in and out of prison like a yo-yo for robbing old ladies who looks like the guy at the end of robocop who gets acid poured all over him and ends up looking like a cross between a human, a pig and a zombie used to frequent the record shop that i worked in and would come in everyday to put oasis on the personal listening dock and sing along at the top of his lungs as we watched him like a hawk.

another regular of the record shop was the Midnight Runner, who came in and only wanted songs with swear words. he runs around town at night carrying a massive ghetto blaster, flashing lights and wearing oversized headphones.

there was a lad (i think his name was johnny) who went into spar and asked for a leg of lamb. when the guy at the desk told him that they dont sell lamb Johnny laid him out.

and then there was the Police Woman, an elderly old crone who used to hang around the park with her little dog and nicked our footballs. when we asked for them back she used to say into her jacket "units, units, calling all units". We called the police on her a few times. i remember they turned up once in their car and she tried to do a runner on foot… she's dead now.

Also there was a guy who used to go up to complete strangers & ask 'what would you do if you had Johnny Cash's money?'.

also, my dad knew a guy who worked in the library and there was a guy who'd go into the toilets with Barbie Dolls, spill his love juice on them and then leave them there. my dad's friend had to clean it up once.

ahh... jersey life.

You think that's bad?

[family guy flashback] I went into my local spar to buy some limes, and the clerk was saying "oh, are these lemons?; HOW MUCH ARE THESE LEMONS BARBRA?" to what appeared to be a non-existent manager in a stock room behind the counter. I heard no reply, but the clerk just said "alright, they're 20p each". I paid and left. [/family guy flashback]

Freddy: Aging hippie. Gives music lessons out of a small shop. Most people in our town who play any sort of instrument have taken lessons from him at one point. One friend of mine took guitar lessons from Freddy. Freddy refused to call my friend by his real name. Instead, he would call him "Dragon Princess." My friend stopped taking lessons from him shortly thereafter.

The Saberz: A gang of middle school aged kids who ride around the West Main area on their bikes, committing insignificant acts of vandalism that leave us all shaking in our boots.

There are plenty more, but most of them are just people who walk around certain sections of town doing their own odd thing. Church Guy is always holding a big wooden cross and praying, etc...

Ahhh , this is the best thread yet .

I've met "Tony Montana" . He cruises the scummy part of town in a rusty duct-taped wheelchair , looking for girls younger than his daughter . He offers them salted mixed nuts from this glass mason jar he keeps by his side. A nice guy , really , been married a few times, once to a woman who kept 170 waist sized dolls in their one bedroom apartment, treating them better than her husband or real children . The conversations always begin sweetly enough but the lower the sun sets, the closer he gets to simply telling you that he wants you to fuck him in his wheelchair .

There is also Kenneth . He catches your eye hanging out under the lone lamp in the scuzziest of alleys , vigorously spinning this long baton....flinging it into the air, tossing it behind his back . A 'pharmaceutical technician' by 16 and an artist in the decades since , he'll comment on the beautiful night as you pass by and converse astrophysics as rats run over your shoes . He'd tell you that it was no coincidence that you turned away from the loud crowds of drunken youth into a lonely alley to receive his baton-twirling tips .

running bearded guy: would run the 12 or so miles to tybee island, then all the way down the beach and then back to his home (which is in the city if i recall), so i guess about a 30 mile round trip, every day.... always had this long beard and short 80s style running shorts...when i was little and lived on the island, i would see him often, and he never even took a long breath, nothing ever broke his stride...im pretty sure he was a normal dude, but i dont think he ever entered the marathons that tybee or savannah hold every year...havent seen him in many years though, he may be too old now i guess...

yardsale lady: woman who has had a yardsale going almost every day, for at least 5 years now....sits on her couch in her front yard, surrounded by junk (probably that she saved from the nearby county dump), and sells it to passers-by....i see her riding her bike to get groceries sometimes...never seen her speak....i dont know if she makes more than $12 a week....

'John': slightly mentally-handicapped guy (about age 60-70) who cant drive...can seemingly walk as fast as you can drive, though you never see him walking...i assume he knows all manner of shortcuts, and probably through people's yards...used to live just a block away from him...not creepy, just strange...he would go to the local bar and Publix, and that was it as far as anyone knows...lives near this baseball field, and people always pick him up for rides, though i havent seen him in a couple years...not sure what happened to him

And there was that young red-head guy. First time I saw him, we were in the public library. I was reading a rock magazine, and he was holding a newspaper. All of a sudden, the noise of pages being frantically rubbed between thumbs and indexes made me look at him. His eyes were making quick lateral movements. The rest of his body had not budged. Then he stoppped. I went back to my reading. A couple of minutes later, he was at it again. And so on. He would get up at times to pick another newspaper to enjoy a different sound.

He had a beard back then, long hair, clean clothes. He shaved, had his hair cut, ain't so clean anymore, but seems to see the world around him more.

Once I was at a friend's house, paying him compliments about his garden. He told me that he had had hard times seeding there for, when he started doing so, his shovel hit a plastic bag. He dug it up - it was only garbage from the former owner of the house, no morbid things, and my friend moved through the house with the bag so the garbage men would collect it by the entrance door. He went back to the garden, and carried on with shovelling. That's when he found another plastic bag, and another, and another...

that sounds like just about everyones worse nightmare.

I thought that I had seen it all and nothing would shock me anymore, but last Friday I boarded a bus on my way home after a night out and I sat next to a gentleman who was an exact replica of the Elephant Man. I thought that he might have been someone dressed up for a party or something, but he wasn't because his clothes looked like his real ones. To add to the weirdness, he held a notebook in his hands that had all these formulas on it, and he kept staring at the same page throughout the journey. He shot straight to number one weird character in my top ten, and I still feel a bit spooked out but fascinated.


Another one is George, a really sweet guy who hangs around in Soho dressed in the most gorgeous garnments that he makes himself. He isn't a weirdo or anything, just a sweet and creative soul with a striking talent for clothes-making. His costumes are sometimes similar to those Sun Ra used to wear.

I was walking to the bank the other day and this oldish lady with wild gray hair and torn clothing (an epitome of the kooky homeless lady) asked me frustratedly in passing "What's going on? Is it the government? The movie just came out? What's the matter with everyone?" I, of course, shocked by the direct question replied "I don't know" rather dumbly. I couldn't tell if she was paranoid or just legitimately got frustrated at something.

Just another random freak in the great freakdom of San Francisco, me included.

Philly Warrel - He is the towns urban legen pedo. Everyones friend has seen him but you or your friend never have. He lives near a school and drives in a van.

Potato Head - I think he is a bit slow, but he has a big large potato shaped head and he is short and walks around in a very odd manner

Mr Pee - He's an old guy who always has a sweet smile on his face but he reeks of piss and something horrid that I can't make out. He is always pissed and has the ability of clearing a bar fast with his malodorous self.

Legless Skateboarder - Another sweet character and something of a Waterloo Station legend. He has most of the lower part of his body missing and he can be found near the station rummaging through the rubbish, permanently stationed on the skateboard that he uses to move around. He is always charming and polite. I haven't seen him in aeons, so hopefully he is safe, somewhere.

I can't take him off my mind. I assume that he must have had a condition of some sort, but it was impossible to tell because of the huge dark coat, the white veil, the black hat and the black leather gloves that he was wearing. What spooked me out more were the undecipherable formulas that he kept staring at for ages. Somehow this episode also brought back to my mind something that I read on the papers a few years ago, when they found a dead person in the Thames, apparently murdered by some of the satanic sects that prolificate in certain parts of London and murder people in their rituals. Genuinely disturbing stuff.

Edit - By the way, thanks for the nice pm. I will reply in a bit.

captain purple, an older DC scenester who is a huge power pop and punk fan, huge fan of japanese culture and bands like Shonen Knife who played on saturday, he's a quirky guy, will walk up to you and just start a conversation, he gives out stuffed animals to musicians (mostly Allison Wolfe), but quite a nice and harmless guy

The SS Officer: for many years in Melbourne there was an immaculately clean & groomed man dressed in a Nazi SS Officers uniform. He would spend the day wandering around the inner-city, riding around the train loop, riding around the tram network.

4 years have passed.
Bicycle Ancient hasn't changed a bit.

The younger guy did change though.
2 years ago, it seemed like he was a puppet whose neck-string had been snapped. He couldn't get his head up.
Last year, he could be seen in the streets with an ambulator.
Lately, he's been around in a wheel chair.
His eyes are not "normal". I'd say painkillers painkillers painkillers.

And there's a relatively new one.
He popped up 2-3 years ago.
A bald headed bloke with protruding eyes.
The first time I saw him, he asked for money. I obliged. He spoke a lot.
He wore lots of badges on his jacket.
I quickly grew ill at ease in his presence.
The guy has a home. Asks for money wherever you see him. Could ask for some while eating a sandwich. Could ask for with some audio device on his ears.
At that time, I had no job and couldn't stand him. The latter part hasn't changed.