Classic Peter Kay Truths:
 

These always crack me up:



Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong !

Yes!

Peter Kay is great. A little too northern for some people's tastes though.

i go with some of them for sure.

you better watch out sarramkrop doesnt like him so no doubt you will here about it as we all know what happens when she doesnt like something.

He's the only British stand-up that can still make me laugh out loud.

This one always gets me.

"Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush."

Bill Bailey?

I like this one:

There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

This one made me laugh the most.

Here are a few more:

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

You never ever run out of salt.

Old ladies can eat more than you think.

You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

Bricks are horrible to carry

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.

I don't know what it is, but I just don't find Bill Bailey funny, even though I sort of feel that I should.

i dont either. he doesnt make me laugh at all.

His standup is great. Same goes for Simon Amstell.

It's the whole music thing. It got old really quick I think.

Hm. It adds something else that you don't usually see, I think.

his music is pretty bad i think. he just does that oddball thing and has strange eyes and thats all there is too him. he made a career out of saying bizarre things.

It worked for Vic Reeves.

yes but vic reeves is funny.

Whatever he may or may not have been in the past, Vic Reeves is most definitely NOT funny now.

I like Bill Bailey in Black Books and Spaced (same character in both), but I haven't seen his stand up.

vic reeves has his moments but his best days are way passed him. at least he could do a few characters where as bill bailey just tends to stare, say something inane (fish, telegraph pole, tampon) and then look puzzled if people laugh.

stewart lee or simon munnery?

Gotta be honest. I don't know either of those.