psh.

babies. get over it

3rd March 1928, in the sitting room of 54 rue du Chateau.

antonin artaud: is the thought of the relations you had had with a woman who has died something which exalts or diminishes your idea of love? does it enrich the feeling of despair that you seek in the depths of love?

andre breton: i have never had sexual relations with a woman who i know is now dead.

artaud: has anyone had sexual relations with a woman who has since died?

yves tanguy: yes.

artaud: has that given you any pangs of remorse?

tanguy: oh! no, well...

artaud: i can assure you that it has terrified me and paralysed me for the rest of my life... does anyone here find the idea of masturbation loathsome?

that was rather interesting.

Yo SYG, I'm real happy for ya, and I'ma let you finish, but the Marquis de Sade was the best libertine of all time.

/tired meme

yeah well.. that's why i'm not sharing any specific stories with you. duh.

I still can't get my head round the idea of someone getting turned on by someone's sex stories on the internet, but probably that's just me.

31st January 1928, in the sitting room of 54 rue du Chateau.

man ray: can breton be interested in two women at the same time?

andre breton: i've already said that it is impossible. and man ray?

man ray: yes, but not more than two.

raymond queneau: what is your first sexual memory?

benjamin peret: at school, when i was seven or eight, i saw a little boy cover his sex with ink and masturbate under the desk.

breton: also at school. a child displaying his sex and referring to by a word then unknown to me: 'my ....' that same evening i told the story to my parents.

marcel duhamel: still at school. a little boy suddenly placed my hand on his fly. it left me with a very pleasant memory.

jacques baron: pupils masturbating under their portfolios.

duhamel: i also recall the powerful emotional effect of seeing a man and woman kissing.

man ray: i'd passed puberty. an older friend, who must have been sixteen, told me how people make love. i was curious to try it and persuaded a little girl of ten to help by promising to give her a picture book if she would show me her sex. i then tried to penetrate her; she complained that i was hurting her. afraid of being on my own i had brought along my brother, who was nine, and i persuaded him to try. he succeeded and she clasped him in her arms, saying to me: "i like your brother better, he doesn't hurt me so much."

hey guys, has anyone here ever fucked a chicken?

how did you find the hole? I've looked everywhere.

Lolwhut

6th May 1928, in the sitting room of 54 rue du Chateau.

andre breton: we discussed the question of bestiality very briefly in an earlier session. since everyone present declared their antipathy to it and claimed that they never had any tendency in this direction, there was no point in pursuing it.

jean baldensperger: on the contrary i think we should pursue it, because it provided my introduction to sexual pleasure. i had a female donkey, who is still alive, with whom i had very close relations for a year.

jacques prevert: how old was she?

baldensperger: two.

prevert: and you?

baldensperger: fourteen.

breton: will you describe the relations in question as precisely as possible?

baldensperger: i did it through a shirt. usually i would harness her, lead her into the woods, then take off the pack part of the harness with the very clear sensation of undressing someone, then indulge my little passions. afterwards i would re-harness her, and go home.

prevert: what was the donkey's attitude to this?

baldensperger: this is what is so interesting. the first times she was perfectly amenable, but later she would not allow it, except when she was in heat.

jean caupenne: what position did you adopt? did you climb up on a stone?

baldensperger: no, because she was quite small and i was quite tall. it was only later that i discovered you could make yourself come on your own.

who does?

they can be funny though. ATP's finger-to-ass thread is a fucking SYG classic.

8th October 1935, in the sitting room of 54 rue du Chateau.

slavador dali: (with thermometer in mouth) i was fascinated... (checking temperature) ... by Hitler's soft fleshy back. whenever i started to paint the leather strap that crossed from his belt to his shoulder the softness of that Hitler flesh packed under his military tunic transported me into a sustaining and Wagnerian ecstasy that set my heart pounding, an extremely rare state of excitement that i did not even experience during the act of love.

andre breton: ... Hilter would very probably appreciate the solitude, the weakness... the megalomania, Wagnerism and Hieronymus-Boschism of the paintings you are doing now.

dali: (throwing down thermometer and beginning a slow striptease) i see Hitler as a masochist obsessed with the idee fixe of starting a war and losing it in heroic style. in a word, he was preparing for one of those actes gratuits which are highly approved of by our group... and if Hitler were ever to conquer europe, he would do away with hysterics of my kind, as has already happened in germany, where they were treated as degenerates... (fully naked now, and preaching triumphantly) in my opinion, Hitler has four testicles and six fourskins!

breton: (shouting) are you going to keep getting on our nevres much longer with your Hitler!!

dali: ...if i dream tonight that you and i are making love, i shall paint our best positions in the greatest detail first thing in the morning.

(general laughter)

breton: (teeth clenched on pipe) i wouldn't advise it, my friend.

5 pages and nothing interesting yet.

ASS

Well, one time me and my ex went to a porn theater. We were in the seats jacking off, and giving each other BJ's while other people watch. And we watched as other people did the same.

Are you happy rob?

I'm happy.

Glad someone is.

how did that feel?

I felt like I was going to get raped. The whole ambience was murky.

It sounds like something I would be totally into if I'd had enough whiskey.

Great thread guys. My sex life feels comparatively boring compared to these stories, despite it always involving something most men find abhorrent.

what's that?

i'm going to guess cock rot

who the fuck would want that

sucking dick? taking it in the ass? dirty pussy?

everyone likes different things but nobody wants cockrot. trust me.

Poo while you penetrate someone?

snogging someone who has a mouth full of vomit?

An unpleasant surprise, yes, but certainly not something that halts the proceedings.

God I want it in my ass so fucking bad.

not if peanuts have been consumed prior, or sweetcorn.

this thread has really gone to shit.

Peanuts kind of add the same sensation that a tongue ring does when you're getting a blowie.


Literally?

yes, it was a pun. hohohoho.

I thought so and appreciated it just in case, but I'm too drunk to be 100% aware of puns at the moment. By the way Jesus Lizard were awesome.

I've heard of this guy once who was getting fucked by someone in a dark room and all of a sudden felt something on his cock, plus smelt shit. The other guy shat himself because of the poppers.

I think we mentioned something on our email exchanges about this, can't remember exactly, I need to check.

Anyone here ever fucked an animal? Haha.

I know a guy.. sorry, knew a guy.. who used to beat off and have his dog lick his balls while he was doing it.