Related: One time I was tripping and I thought the carpet I was sleeping on was trying to eat me.

tripping > everything

one time i stood up too quickly from a kneeling position, and i remained dizzy for a full minute

Agreed

One time when I was a teenager I was totally desperate to have some imagery to masturbate to and so I used the TV Guide. Allysa Milano was the cover.

one time I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

That is one of the greatest things I 've ever heard.

One time I used an ad in a New Yorker magazine and my dad walked in on me. Literature, eh? I think is what he said.

Your intro is good here and you've got some rising action, but you're not taking it anywhere. An ellaboration on 'scare' would take the action over the peak and then your denouement could deal with the repercussions / consequences.

one time i wrote a terrible story and deleted it

Agree to no end.

One time, I was tripping balls on acid and Panda Bear's entire album sounded insane. I was having the most intense visuals of my life. Life was beginning and ending. It was fantastic. As soon as the music would stop, so would most of the OEVs.

one time i [TMI] and then she just looked at me with this blank stare, so i [TMI]. at this point, she started getting really pissed and [TMI]. i turned around and tried to leave, but she [TMI]. That was when i [TMI].

...a couple of week's later i got [TMI]. eventually she [TMI] and i had to [TMI]. god that sucked....

I like the more open-ended plot for its defiance of expectations. All we know is that they kept getting scared; there are, in effect, no repercussions or consequences, simply a relentless state of existential fright. It works for me.

one time when i was tripping by myself one beautiful saturday afternoon, my sister-in-law came over. i wasn't really tripping balls, but i was tripping hard enough to think that this was an alternate reality that i had mind-control powers over... so i pulled out my TMI and started to TMI. she just started laughing and stood there watching me. she was the one i had gotten the acid from and knew i was tripping alone that afternoon.... so she might have just come over to check up on me, or maybe to fuck with me. either way... fucking hawtest thing ever. she never let me live that down...

One time I went to school in just my underwear. Then I woke up.

One time I was taking a cab van to SFO with a couple of strangers and when the cab driver asked us what airline we were so he could drop us off, I looked at my e-ticket print out thing and responded with "Orbitz." I quickly corrected myself but it was ridiculously embarrassing.

You should have passed it off as a joke. Look around. "Orbitz. Get it?"

one time i put bacon on an injury.

one time i had to put the hurt on some bacon.

haha.

I've been contemplating which story I can bear to pass on. I elected to go with:

One time I was out in a certain well-known Islington Goth-hole (anyone who knows which one I mean knows what sort of a place it is). My friend had her drink spiked with roofers. What the spiker didn't realise was that she and I were sharing said drink. I had a little sit down, and driftily watched as said friend starting falling over and throwing up. She was carried out of the place, with all of our friends in tow. I made to get up, (I'd not long been in London and had no idea where I was) but went for another sit. A friend clocked me on her way out, and shouted something like 'you ok?' at me, but I was too swimmy to respond. She later said that she was sure I gestured that I was ok (it's a very druggy place, so I don't blame her). Then I had a little blank patch where I passed out. I woke up for a second or two, threw up on my t-shirt, and did up my shirt buttons to cover it and fell asleep again. I awoke a little while later with a trans-gendered person with his/ her (I'm not sure at what point in the process s/he was) hand gripping cock and balls. In a daze I asked what s/he thought s/he was doing, and s/he promtly apologised (very decent of him/ her, if you ask me) and offered me a drink. We had a natter, and s/he very kindly paid for my taxi back, and I was not molested by a trans-gendered person.

So, in spite of what the papers will tell you - trans-gendered sorts might cop a feel, but they're not all about the rape.

now that's a story. damn.

one time at a music festival in downtown atlanta, at 3 in the afternoon on a crowded sidewalk two streetwalkers offered to both suck my cock for $30. while i was staring into space trying to work out both the logistics and the monetary/fuck yeah, why not! value of a broad daylight dual blowjob, they (incorrectly) decided i was not interested. i asked where this would take place. one of them said "around the corner, in that alley." i looked at them and said "both? ...at the same time?" she said, "ya...., you know.... ya innaressed or what?" i pointed out that while i didn't have $30 in cash in my pocket, there was an atm 20 feet away from where we were standing. they replied that waiting around while i crossed the street to get the money would cost me an additional $30. when i agreed to that, they decided that it still wasn't worth their time. in the meantime i was starting to get worried that someone passing by had heard the numerous uses of the words "cock" "suck" and "dollars" that had been thrown back and forth between myself and these two fine ladies dressed in high heeled boots and patches of faux leather full of fringe. so when they walked away, i just went my own way, never having experienced a double blowjob... but i have a feeling in could have been pretty good.


always remember to bring plenty of cash money with you when you go out on the town, boys and girls.

in all honesty, it seems you were lucky as it's probable you might end up with a double fisted robbery than a dual dick sucking session.

that's a good point and that thought was going through my head at the time. on the other hand, so was "isn't this about a block from that red light district where one time i [TMI]....?" :D


...it's partly also why i brought up the atm, cause it was in a little park away from the street but well lit (some places aren't even at 3pm on a sunny day). ideal for what they were proposing if they really wanted money for sex - like the atm at the strip club actually, the way that neighborhood was... but as you point out these two girls probably wanted to get me in the alley so they could jack my wallet.... not jack the contents of my wallet, and then the contents of my pants....

One time I tried to jump a cart over a curb at Wal-Mart (and yes, this was before Jackass was around) and it was raining and I slipped and my foot landed under the cart and I got a hairline fracture on some little bone on the side of my foot. It was a quick heal, but it really hurt, and it's the only bone I've ever broken.

as i said dude, lucky.