I'd love to have Nefeli's kids.

To those without children I say this: have children.

that would be ideal.

I'd give you the peace and quiet to do some painting while I'm changing napkins and driving them to school.

and i ll have them wear whatever costumes they want, all days, not just during halloween and i ll take them like that to run and play in the fields, while you do your music and art.


and pls this makes my heart ache, because it is seriously a great idea.

Mine too. We are the internet people. Leave us alone. x

owwwwwwww….!

yak yak...







yak

When I told my mom I had decided not to have children (20 years ago), she took it well and said the last people who should have children are the ones who don't want them. I thought that logic was pretty solid.

In my almost 16 years of marriage (16th anniversary next month), I've discovered that marriage is a long, slow and painful death of self. Not where one takes advantage of the other, but where the two become one......putting the others needs before their own.

must spread rep

i did it for you if it makes up for it

I'm so glad this board exists.

Peltor, that's among the greater things posted on this board.

yr kid is adorable

Bytor is correct. Two become one in a good marriage.

Two become ZERO in a bad one.


You should have heard the horror and despair in my mom's voice when I had to call her and tell her over a decade ago that the doctors had found me fully sterile, and that I would not be giving her grandkids.

For many, marriage is solely about creating the next generation of humans, and that is cool. For others though, marriage is about taking a life journey with a special someone. cal it love, or caring, or respect, or friendship.

The worst marriages in terms of the most damage done to all involved (especially the kids) are the ones where people got together solely because they got pregnant. Those marriages can be toxic from the get-go.

there's also the ones where people marry because they are "in love" (read: temporarily horny) without figuring out if they are actually suited to form a family. great sex is not enough to keep things going for life.

this is the sort of teenage delusion that i meant to explain to kekes in the poetry thread (but didn't). "love" (the early stuff) is good and all, but what matters to a marriage is what's left after the initial fascination has been used up-- because it's always fascinating at the start, but when you start to fart in bed, who smells it? a friend? or a foe?

and in the end you don't just marry the person but the whole family. and that only becomes apparent after a while. better to shack up first than to marry in a hurry.

on the other hand, the lack of it or bad quality of it, is the death sentence of a marriage.
and of course, good sex can be confusing, in the sense keeping a bad relationship going because of it.

so basically, blablablabla we are doomed and blablablabla.
ok, not so much. if you know yourself and what you want etc and can be open about what you want/like + respect + wanting the other to be happy+ good sex = you might survive.

i've had so many terrible relationships that kept going because of great passion that i could write 20 tomes about them (but won't). it takes a lot to get one's self unstuck from good sex.

i think the french get the difference. see: the films of eric rohmer, or, blue is the warmest color (i won't say why cuz spoilers if people haven't seen yet).

No, but when people have kids and are married they should prioritize their kids. Too many people are just fucking selfish, just looking out for themselves, meanwhile their children suffer the consequences.. I don't think people should force themselves to say married, but if they have kids, and in particular have been married for several years, including several years of their kids' life, they should work at it.

Just a note. None of our grandparents who were married for 50 or 60 years had perfect marriages, or were perfect people, or were always head over heels in love. They did the fucking WORK it takes to make a marriage last, they also FORGAVE each other of their mutual mistakes and shortcomings, and MADE it work for their kids. AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU JADED TROLLS OR UPTIGHT QUASI-FEMINISTS HAVE TO FUCKING SAY ABOUT IT, PEOPLE WHO SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR MARRIAGE ARE ADMIRABLE PEOPLE. A million times more impressive than any of us low-life fucks around here:(

True dat

i dont agree.
i do believe that a % of people that stayed in the marriage for the kids might have worked for the best of the kids and yes, that might have been admirable.

however, i dont find anything admirable at being untrue to oneself.

i know many many cases of people who have stayed in the marriage and it has been for selfish financial reasons, some of which have made focus of their lives their kids and are ok with it (maybe), others who stayed for the kids, but had relationships on the side (double lives) and many many others of previous generations, who sacrificed themselves and stayed in the marriage again for financial reasons and because they were afraid of society.
thats common knowledge and not untight (why you said that i dont understand) feminist view.

and kids know. can tell. they arent idiots.

i ve said things in my previous posts about marriage. and we cant all agree and i m tired to type more things on the issue, that are like stating the obvious.

Exactly like I fucking said, fucking selfish. What, children aren't important? Its funny how immature our generation is. We deserve all the fucking shit we get, we are lazy, selfish, and have a false sense of entitlement. The world doesn't owe us anything. Life is work. You get what you give. If you give up on your kids for yourself, what do you gain? Yourself? Possibly. But what do your kids get??

sorry, you dont know any people who have children for selfish reasons?

or people who get married and have kids, because they want that status?

Congratulations on your new found happiness

getting out of the marriage was more selfless than continuing on. It would have been so much easier to just expose my children to a daily barrage of fighting and despair than to have the guts to make such a leap of faith. My husband sucked every bit of attention I had to give out of me leaving nothing left for the kids. My kids are happier now than I have seen them in years. They appreciate the attention & love they are now given. They deserve it more than he does. They always had a "dad" but not much of a father. They lost their mother to their dad, depression and drugs. They may never have a "father" I cannot control his personality or choices, but I will guarantee that they have the mother and stability they need to thrive.

The effort of both parents to hold a marriage together is imperative. One person cannot hold both roles and end up caring for their partner on a level more so than the children. I worked for 17 years on this relationship and after I realized that I could try my hardest but could not raise a grown man who was supposed to be the cornerstone of the family.

Excellent news! Happy to hear you are doing fine.

themfriends, you are sure coming off as being judgmental, seeing as you do not have any kids, or prior experience being married...that I know of.

a BAD marriage is never GOOD for kids.

settle for nothing less than the best life possible, younglings; otherwise, you might regret it.

and if you see your mom this weekend, be sure to tell her SATAN, SATAN, SATAN.

oh deeeeaaaarrr!! your kid?
may i save that pic for drawing/painting?

bravo, ma'am. i've never read saner words from you. you stick to that!


damn, you're on a roll!

ed should be the king of SYG!! what am i talking about... THE KING OF THE WORLD! THE UNIVERSE!

SonicGail, I' speaking more in generalities then your specific situation, you stuck it out for almost 2 decades, that is damn sight more than most folks. However, ontologically, it was still in part selfish for you to back out. In theory, you could have still gotten clean on your own, and then worked on that aspect of your marriage. I applaud your courage to move on, and I sincerely pray it for the best for you, but marriage is something different. So many people walk away from their marriages because they aren't "perfect" but what marriage ever was?? In your instance, this seems for the best, but lets not pretend it won't have negative consequences, because inevitably it will. They are unavoidable in divorce...

...

Fuck y'all. You don't know my real life, I don't broadcast my private family business here for you fucking callous trolls. Fuck it, me and Gail spoke in private, she knows where I'm at, as to the rest of you haters, go ahead and keep hating. If that makes your lives better its the least I can do to oblige ;)

we're all trapped in a realm of sex and death, blind genetic replicators trying to cancel themselves out using our bodies as their puppets - judgement or condemnation will not suffice to bring anybody clarity. the bacterial ooze that we are descended from has no knowledge of morality. let us rejoice in the pursuit of extinction, for it is the only respite for we the diseased and broken toys known as homo sapiens.

I would be honored and would love to see it! this is the face that he tends to make when he's drumming, or say, plotting destruction. so metal.


this wouldn't be the first time that has been discussed. what with the throngs of strangers who feel somehow compelled to touch and adulate him, his mother is quite certain that he's messianic. whenever I suggest that mayhaps he's something else entirely, I draw her scornful ire. he's some kind of angel, for certain.

agh. dat mug :D

no other word would describe this expression better! :)

You seem to be an intelligent dude who puts a lot of effort into what he's posting on here, but sometimes i wonder what's going on in your head.

I come from a highly dysfunctional but "intact" family. The only divorce has been that of my father and mother (not counting my fathers other 3 divorces). It's weird, although my mother is still really heartbroke that my father left her, it was for the best. I mean, he went on to marry the daughter of Gaston Glock, became gun lobbyist and died from a heart-attack when he was a 55 years old alcoholic. He was a horrible person before divorce too.
My grandparents (both sides) were married for about 60 years and had unbelievably dispassionate relationships (ok, also they were nazis, with the males fighting for Third Reich in Russia and Poland).
Guess what, every single child out these two marriages is seriously fucked up one way or another: one aunt being a schizophrenic who isn't able to live on her own, one aunt being a catholic saint zombie, a rich uncle who lives in a fucking castle and won't talk to anyone from the family because he's afraid his rich friends will find out he's from a poor farmers family, my mother being depressed all the time living with a man now for 10 years that she doesn't even remotely like... And their kids (coming from intact marriages, with me and my siblings being the exception) are fucked up beyond belief too (with me and my siblings not being exception).

Maybe this an extreme case, i don't really know, but tons of my friends come from similar families.
And some have divorced parents who managed to do a great job with raising their kids.
Some married couples are doing a great job with their kids.

Ultimately, why the hell do you believe that marriage is the important factor for love, respect and the way to raise kids?


valie export




Sonic Gail,
glad to hear you're doing good!

Like all god botherers, suchfriends' views are part his (the sensible parts) and part his religion's (the mental as fuck parts).