He didn't ask you to act. He asked you to rant. You do that, so now milk it.

Then, I'd donate some money for free. Heh.

I really want to get footage of things, for me to use, that I don't really have the ability to easily go out and get. It'd be cheaper for me to pay people than to actually go to the place and film it...

Also, I'd love for you to just rant on camera and throw that in my next film. You don't have to act or anything, just talk. It'd be awesome!

Anyway, just throwing that out there. I'd totally paypal you some money for your troubles.

For the record, my ex is going through the same shit as you are, she's applied at 13 places...

I "donated" some money to her............ a lot of money.

I understand completely. Capitalism is fucking awful shit. When you have a job, that sucks the life from your bones too, but in a different way.

However, having watched somebody I still care very deeply about get her life sucked from her bones much more directly and way too much of her soul as well, my pendulum has swung pretty fucking conservative on that particular tip...

donations don't help though. it's like the fish and the fishing. I just want to fucking work right now. I know it wont be my dream job, it just needs to be something to get me through a few months. I HATE handouts. I am a huge believer of doing things for yourself by yourself. You'veno idea... (on top of this boyshape gives me crap for how he has been supporting me for the past 18 months.. it hasn't been that long and I know it, but it fucks with my self esteem even more (forget the last two years when I was studying full time, working 20 hours a week in one job, 15 hours a week in another, and ALL the house work.. you know) )

I'll try film some junk for you when it's a nice day again. It has been raining non stop for two days. I dont have a good track record with doing stuff for people online though.. It can take years.

...It just hurts my soul to think that one of the most annoying people I know of is bringing home 4K a week from that shit and I am applying for hundreds of crappy jobns and hearing NOTHING.

Understood.

...If I was a girl and I knew I could dance and shit and make a shitload of money, I'd probably do it for a bit, but I'm not a girl and I know that the guys who go to those places are kinda creepy and fucked up. I guess it all depends on the place... If the "annoying person" you know isn't having a bad time with it, then maybe you should do it for a spell. At least until you get on your feet. I don't think you have to sign a contract or anything, you could do it for 1 night and see how awful it is and then leave.

I think I'm the kind of person that it would suck the life from me(even more so than the rest of this crap) within ten minutes.

sure I dance on tables. But only when I'm drunk and dfeinately not when getting paid.

Yeah, but what if you ended up LIKING it?

...uhhh.

Nah.

Yes, but that's where the loss of soul comes in. To do it, you have to do it, and even if you don't do coke, which my wife didn't, you will have to behave as if you do in so many ways. How much of that 4K goes into more shoes with even more ridiculously long heels and glow in the dark costumes, so that she can feel "fresh" to herself (which somehow becomes every bit as important as seeming "fresh" to the guys). And how often does she buy her own drinks in order to get the courage to get them to buy her drinks? It's an empty fucking existence, and as a femme boy who always has fantasized about being a girl who could live it, it really has sucked for me to see it so clearly for what it is of late.

probably.. there is a definate connection between her behaviour in and out of places. I wouldn't be surprised if half of it is blown on new shit to wear. A tonne of it is blown on *shouting* everyone (or trying to)

I honestly think if you started to like it too much you'd turn into a massive coke-head and blow all the cash anyway. It would become a lifestyle and not a job. It's definately not a career. It's something in between.

I've had this discussion so many times with all of my girl friends who are students with no cash or time to work. It's a huge pull to go do it because you work your own hours, the pay is better, and there is 0 responsibility.

There is no other way to do it. Except to do it by not doing it, which is what I do, since I'm a guy anyway. When I'm on stage, climbing on a speaker cabinet in mask and dress, and slamming two guitars into each other, I'm stripping. But I certainly don't make any money at it, and my soul still belongs to me.

The thrill is so much cheaper at a strip joint. No one wants a life changing experience or an artistic trip.

you don't act but you wanna work in a hustler club?

im puzzled

i am very sorry for your predicament (for real), on the other hand i watch you refuse fast money for something easier than shaking your tits in public. it's kind of... aggravating to watch.

???

TAKE THE FUCKING MONEY.

i understand from here that you have a job and that's well and good, but learning to take the fucking money is skill #1 if you wanna work for yourself (what i read you wanna do).

from what i gather, there are a number of things that you know how to do--- crafts and other such shit. photography. art. etc. so, do it, put a price on it, go to a flea market (or whatever you call it in ostrichland) and fucking sell it. or photograph weddings. or make cakes.

you go to soho (in new york, not london) on any given sunday morning and you'll see entrepreneurial artists peddling their wares to the public. every city has a place like that.

my great aunt supported herself by making cakes to restaurants. my grandmother paid for my uncle's expensive surgeries by making toys and selling them for christmas. they both lived in a 3rd world country where there were no "jobs" for women like them.

my point is, if you wanna work, if you REALLY wanna work, you work, you don't say "oh i don't do this" and "i don't do that", you just fucking do it, you lie if you must to get your foot in the door and then you learn by fucking up. even if they fire you on day 3 you've made a little money.

grow some... ovaries & KILL YOUR LIMITATIONS. i mean, you seem stuck in a mental rut, crippling your options. people here can line up and say this and that and the other but if you keep saying no, guess what, nothing will happen for you.

go forth & thrash, etc. just fucking do it. something. checks from the government-- something. anything.

be a stripper. you so fine.

i like my job. i enjoy it for its own sake. not only that, it buys me nice steaks.

is this whole rant for saying no to astonic giving me $20?


I don't know what it is like where you are right now, but even markets here are nothing compared to what they were a couple of years ago. There are not even a quarter of the people going and less than that actually wanting to buy anything and more getting out for a free day of entertainment. I have sat at market stalls and paid my $50 to sit there and not sold the $50 worth of stuff to make it back.
I haven't said no to anything remotely reasonable? I dont think?

a government check of $27 a fortnight (and only if I DONT get any work in that fortnight, which I need to keep a record of in a little book and call them every week to tell them about) is not going to help pay my bills. Sorry, it just isn't. I'd rather let it go to someone who has a disability and is worse off than me, at the moment anyway.

Yeah, I wanted to say what Satan just said, but I am trying to take this thread seriously.

Phoenix, you're sexy. Haha.

!@#$%!, she made clear that she doesn't want donations/lil' moneys, she wants a job-job.

I am envious of your alternative universe.