Whatever you do Slavo, DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTON!

done already!

*sound of helicopters behind my window*

Ha ha ha, my evil plan has worked again.

Try and you might, demon, you can't stop me. Now, would you care for this Pete Walker boxset?

No Slavo ........ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Ha ha ha Earthlings. The submit button has been pressed. Now you are mine."

"Hururururururrrr, I got you there, didn't I demon? Your _slavo's_ gone now. Now get back on the bus - you're driving to Luxton parade, and I'm docking your pay. Hururururururrr!"

"Daddy, why did Slavo press the submit button?"

"Hush my child. It isn't safe to speak of such things. Now listen to your Whitehouse as we must now do."

"But Daddy. Can we not rise up against the Mellydom?"

"No my child. They have made us too weak."

now that my whole world is ruined, i can finally start a music career:

The Mellydom shock troops on the way to track down Demonrail and child:



"Ooh, isn't the Apocalypse fabulous?"
"Oh so divine! When we catch demonrail's, we make him over bigtime. I'll do the hair, and you do his nails!"

We must now think only of the Mellydom. They are our leaders now.

"But Daddy, there are rumours of four men from the middle lands that say they can use the power of silliness to rise up against the Mellydom. Is this true?"



"No Child, even the Slade's powers of silliness are now too weak to resist the Mellydom."

"I hate Slavo, daddy."

"So do I, my child."

The Pratorian Guard of the Mellydom on the look out for demonrail:

"Daddy, I think we may have found a way. If we can use the Mellydom's own vide-screens to transmit episodes of Top Gear, we can maybe defeat their camp tyranny."

"Oh my god Child, yes. Clarkson may just be the one man straight enough to do it!"

"Egad, the dread Clarkson! His love of Dire Straits and Angus Steakhouse restaurants will destroy our Reich. Time to call in our go-to man to encounter this scourge":

 

And so, in 2008, Earth became a battleground between the Mellydom and a rogue army led by the Clarkson.

The Clarksons, with only their souped up Ford Mondeos and copies of Bat Out Of Hell soon punctured the Mellydom's reign until once again, Earth could return to straightness.


And the Mellydom? All evidence of their tyranny was soon destroyed. Mama Mia posters were ceremonially burned in the streets, San Francisco became a massive B&Q, and Calvin klein underwear was officially banned.

.....leaving Melly himself to escape to Sydney, licking his wounds and drowning his sorrows in a drag queen bar.

Even today, mothers talk to their children in hushed tones about the dangers of ordering Melly recommendations from Amazon....